- Having green as its colour.
- Sickly, unwell.
- Inexperienced.
- Environmentally friendly.
- (figuratively) Overcome with envy.
[ENTRIES CLOSED]
Richa Gupta (120)
she asked "the color green..
to you what does it mean?"
ohh honey honey
it's the color of money
freshly minted bills of green
spell success I said with a gleam
"oh do they?? she said
what about the weeping willows on our river bed?"
they are fine as they are
they don't put food in my belly or gas in my car
I will have them cut and get the woods clean
And I will bring in bundles of a different green
"They have been here for many generation"
She said with a horrified expression
And they did what good?
Cut them down I definitely would
There's only one color green my honey
And thats the color of money!!
======================================================================
Mandappa KC (72)
Haiku is the colour green
leaves fall and leaves born
like lovers together, torn
a rose has its thorn
it was all yellow
sunshine, flowers and my life
it was all yellow
blue skies, mountain highs
silver dreams,where eagles fly
thats where i will die
leaves fall and leaves born
like lovers together, torn
a rose has its thorn
crowns of white, robe green
lakes, rivers, hills inbetween
Mother Earth, ever green
Chaos (72)
Grey are my choirs of dissonance
Crimson is my swollen earth
Pungent is my ominous black incense
That marks the damage done by my birth
Distant are my violet whores
Where heavens never shed a tear
Pink are my farthest shores
My pictures of distaste are near
My broken king, savour your brown
White is your only turmoil
Soft and Green are her luscious lips
That kiss me through the velvet soil
Aginsen Chauhan (120)
That English class, I remember clearly
Just before my first senior match, missed it nearly.
Othello was ominous,
And KC made the mood serious,
While I dreamed green.
KC pulled me up; conspicuous day dreaming,
Recited a verse and sought the underlying meaning.
While I dreamed green.
"The pit yawns before thee," KC remarked,
Punished me for a time perilously close to the match time earmarked.
The period closed, so did school,
I knelt before PP's office, like a fool.
"Speak up or you'd be pushing daisies!" barked PP.
"Sir, I play centre-back this evening," managed me.
The moody shithead bellowed, "Now don't you love that green patch. It just does something to you! Take the first left….You'll see green."
===============================================================
Kavish Sinha (120)
As a child, I remember the box of crayons…And that night.
I was asleep, well almost. After putting away my precious ‘drawing’, that sketch of crooked lines and distorted circles I called a scenery. A tiny voice was whispering... from the box!
"I don't like red", said Orange. "Nor do I", agreed Pink. "I sit at the top", said Blue, "And I give color to the sun", Yellow quipped.
But I couldn't hear Green…
Black said "Am the Universe" and everyone fought. Green spoke mildly, "I am the undemanding ground. Everyone starts from me and ends in me. I allow the burden and wordlessly absorb everything. I am pristine, oh I am Green".
And Green, I colored my scenery first.
Willy Wingfoot (111)
The Last Shrub
Year-2089
The World is in war.
They burnt, they dug, they slew and they killed us all....a little later before they realised, they need us.
One Survived....
I lay hid, listening to the stream who brings me grievings of what's left....
She tells me;
Of her fair cousins running red.
The stench of decay and death.
Of bodies...half burnt...half buried.
Children, whose mothers won’t see them become men.
And of MEN.....mad wild men.....seeking glory among graves….
I see the red sun....and I see my mother having the last laugh.
Alas! As last of my seeds drop...
I wish...
I wish...I could be EVERGREEN.
I wish...men had never been.
==============================================================
GSV(112)
"They say 'Grass is always greener on the other side',but my neighbour has pale yellow grass in his lawn,and more important fact is that i have no lawn", grinned Sanket with his distinct broken teeth." 'I am one of the oldest civil contractor of this metro,the order of old city is still green before my eyes when we used to have plush green trees everywhere but now we have skyscrapers instead'."Nobody is living his life for himself, everyone is in rush for 'the green' and now listen the real menace,if u once got struck in a traffic jam, you might keep cursing yourself why you stepped outside until the signal goes green!."
====================================================================
Nandini Sen (113)
Whenever he came home, he'd spend hours gazing at the wonderful green expanse. The hills remained green throughout the year - different shades. Dark green, fresh bright green, pale green.His soul lay in this green world.
Then there was Panna - the shimmering green emarald of his life. Someday he'd tell her how he loved her.
Today his eyes were trained not on the hills, but the rapidly approaching dot. It was Panna in the green salwarkameez he'd presented her last year.Holding her arm was Neel.
Panna and Neel breezed in with their engagement news. When they left, he noticed his pallor was green with jealousy.
He'd lost his green to blue (Neel).
Mickey the Monkey (120)
"Papa, I have to write an essay on Green, can you help me?"
"How unfortunate, Junior, you have never seen green. It was a popular color in our times. Now there are only gray, brown, red and black colors around. In my childhood, when I lived in the forests of Kuano, there were so many shades of green around.
"Dad, are you talking about pre-historical colors, I have to write about Green, the rock band."
Dok Saab (120)
Harit Joshi, the chief of Green Brigade, was sitting on fast unto death outside the Palampur Paper Mills. Wherever the greenery was in peril, he was there.
"Use email save trees" was his slogan,
"Shutdown the paper mill, save earth's green cover" was his demand.
Seth Jamnadas had come for negotiation with this green activist.
"Your mills can continue only on one condition, Jamnadas Ji. Make a pledge to the Nation that you will plant five trees for every tonne of paper made, Palampur's green cover has to be saved"
And coming close to him, whispered in his ears,
"And, 10% shares for me in your company and an apartment for my son-in-law in Manhattan, fully furnished with teakwood furniture."
Hummingnerd (109)
Green is your love
Measured by the root of prosperity
Sweet and angelic
Looking for a colorful identity
Green is your mind
Poverty-ridden and clogged with stems of dismay
Joyful and serene
Beyond which there is no today
Green is your plate
Filled with pleasures of a wicked appetite
Suspended on a hook abode
Having a dangerous poisonous evil delight
Green is your future
Greener will be the sun
Greener will be the moon
Greener will you weep
Greener you will sleep
Green is thou
Green is thee
How much more greenery do you want to see?
...
...
...
Yes
With some more money
Greener you will be!
NM (120)
"Green", Nysa screamed, "My blood's green."
There are things in life we don't have control on. Aslam always knew that things between them couldn't work out. He hated her kind, they had attacked and broken down his mosque, had killed his brothers, raped his sisters. But then, he did love her. But could he commit to her? It was the quintessential question of principles being bigger than love. When love gets bigger, belief becomes ego.
"This ain't gonna work Nysa. It just can't." he said, smashing a bottle, blindness shimmering through his eyes.
She picked a piece of glass and slit her wrist before he could even blink.
"Why not Aslam? Look at this, Green", Nysa screamed, "My blood's green."
Neharika (120)
In twilight, on top of the pole Ashra saw it.
"its still green " she screeched with joy into stillness.
Incoherently she blabbered at his incognito touch "kaka teacher said in class
Eyes moist he thrust a big stone into her palm "Till it is green this nation will be too”
Stranger HE left singing
"my only inheritace , the most expensive emerald is lost
Its sparkling green in a childs heart hope restored
time o time fly back in your flight ,
make me a child again, just for tonight "
Konfessioner Singh (120)
A thousand green bangles
are alive tonight.
They clink,
dancing with the moonlight.
Heavy are bent arms,
with wet diamond drop bracelets--
of fresh rain.
Now singing soft songs
slowly whispering me awake…
Calm scents call
tickling a silent sleepy nosetip,
and capturing pockets of this wind
are magic-purple baby chimes…
A thousand green bangles
are making music;
with the first wafts of winter wind
fingering all that’s asleep,
Peter-Pan in a pea suit like…
Three nights ago I heard:
the first whisper
and I saw early,
the ripe orange harshingar--
falling like fragrant stars,
like impossible sweet wishes
on wet earth bricks
the morning winter arrived
embracing with a clink
of green bangles
my rosy red winter kissed cheeks.
97 comments:
Nice word, monkey ! Though I was expecting Forest, or at least a Tree from you.
hi klashers missed u laods.... (",)
*oops loads :P
yes, indeed it is a good word! I expected evolution, jungle, Tarzaan etc haha.
Hey Neharika, good to have you back too!
Wow..! 5 of them exactly on 120 words...Good going people..!
Expecting 3 more entries!!!! It's nice to see 5-120 word klashes haha..But the idea is to make it in 120 and not necessarily be 120..!
Wow!! Many of the pieces bring out the fact that diminshing of greenery from our beautiful planet is rather worrying.
sorry 2 more entries expected...please dont vote yet.. GF has written her'sand so has Richa..they'll post in by tom.
Yeah! It is rather worrying, however, it has a foregone conclusion...The good news is, there seems to be nice greenery in KnK...15 entries...;)
wow what a varied take..honestly the word did not inspire me till very late and then I wrote something along the lines of Shin Shin...i mean the theme was same of kacche hare kaanch ki chudiyaan...the sign of a newly married bride..anyway so had to rethink and rewrite in a very short time..
this piece was inspired by an encounter with a rustic cynical man who lived in the lush green countryside of Pennsylvania...he was so unimpressed by the beauty around him and for him it all very utilitarian...no romantic beauty of the green for him....
15 seriously?! I thought it was 13! I kant kount! haha
Welkome back Neharika, Agnisen, Willy Wingfoot and Aman aka Chaos aka ?! haha
I'd like to thank Kavish and Richa who in spite of their obviously trying and busy schedules sent in their entries.. :) I was looking forward to more posts from Free Woman, Jyoti Basera, GF and Purvi! Where is everyone?!
@Empress, mine is actually not about green bangles at all..it is about green poplar trees (a thousand green bangles-- the swishing of green leaves is like the clinking of bangles...nature being a woman and all... which are laden with raindrops and things...haha
Another word, another great Klash ! I know the purple Krown will not be with me for long :( . So I am enjoying the the krowing glory till it finds a new head.
When Konfessioner Singh gave away the Krown that day and asked to propose the new word, I was hanging from the mango tree, so suggested Mango, which she refused to akcept. The next word which kame to my mind was green. I never thought even three people will kome out with anything on green. But fourteen entries( you say fifteen, KS, but on my toes I kould kount only 14), that’s great. Shows how koncerned you humans are about the gradual disappearance of green from your world
(woods was another word I suggested keeping in the w series, which was promptly turned down)
Green kould mean so much, I never beleived when I said the word. Raw, envy, sickness, unlucky, fresh, healthy, islam, money, green kould mean so much. And we are seeing here most of these in the klashes.
Truly, Klash Rockkkks !!
its great to see such amazing entries... and i couldve done better, if not for time...
after all i am soemthing of an environmentalist... and almost too many memories come rushin in when i think of GREEN!
nice word.
nice klash.
as always.
Now my komments , in alphabetical order!!
1)Agnisen Chauhan.. Green is more kommonly associated with Golf, but linking it with soccer , Agni, good one.
2)Chaos.. Nice to see you again, Aman. Green luscious lips great imagination.
3)Dok Saab .. There was a time when you had leaders who were actually concerned about the mother earth. The present day social activists are more concerned about hogging the limelight and increasing their social clout. People like Harit Joshi can be always be seen in the page three parties .
4)GSV..very intelligent use of green in its varied meanings in a single passage, envy, fresh, money, safety, and of coarse the greenery. Nice take GSV!!
5)Hummingnerd.. too much green in your poem, but went above my simian brain .
6)Kavish Sinha .. Very beautiful. Different from the crowd approach. Very creative. I Love crayons drawings by kids, they kan be so kreative.and they have their own logics for using those particular colors.
7)Konfessioner Singh.. Another beautiful poetic picturisation of the approaching weather.
8)Mandappa KC..nice Haiku, Mandappa. Konfessioner Singh had once tought us this form of poetry , but I believe, in Haiku, there is no rhyming.
9)Mickey the Monkey.. how much I miss my childhood days spent in the green environs of the forest surrounding the village. This jungle of concrete I have been forced to live, is suffocating.
10)Nandini Sen ..too many shades of green here, but some how failed to make an impact. Why did Emerald chose to wear a one year old green salwar kameez on her engagement with Blue.
11)Neharika.. Green, an important colour of our Nation. I have always seen green fluttering along with the saffron, pity how our politicians have divided the flag into saffron for Hindus and green for muslims. But true, neharika, nothing is lost if hope is not lost.
12)NM ..what did you meant by Nysa’s blood being green, was it to denote the religion?
13) Richa good one Richa , I was expecting some green bangle shangle from you though.
14)Willy Wingfoot.. Technically speaking, you have not used the word. Who is I and where is his/her seeds dropping?
Votes Later :)
(will decide after reading what everyone has to say about my take :) )
Nice Klashes.
I loved the various interpretations of Green...though i liked keeping it to the kolor itself!
Liked how it became those luscious lips and the bangles and the tree...the ground, the Panna, haiku and the money..Green truely is diverse. Also wish to thank mickey the monkey for that Amazing word that saw many transformations.
Cheers!
@mickey:
haiku doesnt need to rhyme. but if it does its jus a bonus! dont u think ??
and, i was experimenting with yet another style, as im guessin konfessioner singhji would know !
Haha Mickey, well you've brought the purple krown back in fashion..so danke!! :) Mango's a great word for March, green is wintery!! And how true about all the interpretations...
And yes Mandi, I do love my haikus but not more than my sake haha... it is indeed one of the toughest forms of poetry writing.. my mother is an absolute pro at it and there is a haiku syllable counter online too..
My favourite haiku is as follows--
Now that my storehouse has burnt down
Nothing conceals the moon
@ Mickey
ha ha ha..Will the votes have to do with what everyone says about your take....:D:D:?
I don't think there is over use of the word green. Its just the right use :p
It was written by a simian brain and can be interpreted by one too :D
haha hummingnerd, you stole my 'khayals'.. !
p.s. does that make me simian?!
@ Hummingnerd No Sir what every one says about me will not influence my choice. Its just that I have got two votes this time so I am extra cautious :D
Yep...we humans come under simians too....so think something else up monkey....!
Why don't you call yourself an ape, instead of monkey...hahaha!
APE-->Automatic Positive Energy!
:D:D
ANT wouldn't suit you..:D:D:D
Anyways guys ate loads of ice-cream yesterday...so ACCHHOOOO!!!
**Sniff** **SNIFF**
Comments and votes by tomorrow night. Inshallah!
:)
@ Humming Nerd
by too much green, i meant this para
Green is your future
Greener will be the sun
Greener will be the moon
Greener will you weep
Greener you will sleep
Green is thou
Green is thee
wots the difference between thou and thee
@ NM
Sir !! sirf Nice Klashes kehnee se kaam nahee chalegaa
Oops..you forgot the line...
how much more greenery do you want to see ??
:p
Yep...there is a difference. Referring the subject as objective, the second time. You can relate that to a lot of things...!!
The Last Shrub
Year-2089
The World is in war.
They burnt, they dug, they slew and they killed us all....a little later before they realised, they need us.
One Survived....
I lay hid, listening to the stream who brings me grievings of what's left....
She tells me;
Of her fair cousins running red.
The stench of decay and death.
Of bodies...half burnt...half buried.
Children, whose mothers won�t see them become men.
And of MEN.....mad wild men.....seeking glory among graves.
I see the red sun....and I see my mother having the last laugh.
Alas! As last of my seeds drop...
I wish...
I wish...I could be EVERGREEN.
I wish...men had never been
People....
The above happens to be the format.Since the 'authorities' are busy to rectify,i thought i'll put this up myself.
Personal satisfaction....u see!!
@Mickey
May be you'll understand if u read from here.
AND...
I hope you will find time to visit willywingfoot.blogspot.com and add a few comments.
There's only 2 articles,other than
the Klash ones...i'll post a few more soon.
Thank u all...
Comments will follow
ohhhooohooo what a klash people!!! I know i need to komment and vote but me feeling maha lazy and its only friday night for me...so have lottsa time...:)
@ Princess: see see my imbecile brain could not even understand the depth of your piece...its the obvious for me that works:(
but once you told me the thought or the allusion I can see the beauty 10 fold
Willy, I will be fixing your format and adding your blog today.
@ Empress, haha.. I'm delighted. It isn't an obvious poem, hence you missed it! I would've too..I'm delighted you liked it anyway. :)
Here are links to two of my mother's winning Haikus
https://www.poetry.com/haiku/DisplayWinner.asp?strDate=10/21/2007
and
http://www.poetry.com/Haiku/todaywinner.asp
Kan we finish voting by 6 p.m. tomorrow?!
@Missy
Thank u,mam.... :)
N ppl.,...Y have'nt we started Kommenting YET???
@ Hummingnerd finally 8/14 were exact 120 !! @ Missy 120 is the limit, agreed, finishing in exact 120 is more fun!!
Now for the komments,
dont know why no one is kommenting, busy i suppose. But I remain free on sat evenings, so my komments are here>>
Richa Gupta ----True Richa, the green colour of money makes people blind towards all other things. No poem this time?
Mandappa KC ----Good Haiku, Mandappa! Though I can’t comment upon the syllables and rhymes, Mickey knows it better I suppose. There are various shades of nature in your Haiku, and green is one of them, not much stress on the colour.
Chaos ---- Some deeper meaning which I am unable to read, though superficially the poem sounds good, esp. the last lines Soft and Green are her luscious lips I’ll read this later when free.
Aginsen Chauhan ---- Had to look up pushing daisies never read before :) . You associate green with a football field, I associate green with the operation room. How different emotions can a single stimulus evoke!
Kavish Sinha ---- very ingenious, colours speaking up themselves. No one thought of green as a colour as you did Kavish. I hear you are an Adman. You will be very effective, Kavish.
Willy Wingfoot ---- Willy, truly, formatting and presentation some times alters the whole meaning. Every one is associating green with the plants and writing about how we have mismanaged them, but your approach was very different.
GSV---- as already pointed by someone above, very cleverly written piece including almost all the meanings of green.
Nandini Sen----Lots of green in your take, Nandini, but the use of the word here seems forced, the name (Panna), the dress (green salwar kameez), even the boyfriends name.
Mickey the Monkey ----How do you always manage to include a monkey theme into your klash, Mickey. And where is this Kuano Forest you often talk about.
Hummingnerd ---- Another take stressing the power of green money over the green nature.
NM ---- Hello Nikhil, your take is as usual a bit filmy. Hindu girl Muslim boy and love looses to fanaticism. Nice take though.
Neharika ---- You saw green in the tricolour ! Great. It’s the best amongst all the flags of the nations. So easy to draw. When I was a child, I always forgot which colour was below, green or saffron. Then one day my dad told me the way to remember, look where grass is, and I knew, green has to be the base of all.
Konfessioner Singh ----You don’t put the names above the klashes once, just give them codes. And I will spot your creation. Liked the whole, but the best was A thousand green bangles are alive tonight.
votes later,:)
Does anybody like the Pink Floyd song--"Green is the colour" ? it's so very gentle
here are the lyrics and I'm mailing the song to some of you!
Heavy hung the canopy of blue
Shade my eyes and I can see you
White is the light that shines through the dress that you wore
She lay in the shadow of the wave
Hazy were the visions of her playing
Sunlight on her eyes but moonshine beat her blind everytime
Green is the colour of her kind
Quickness of the eye deceives the mind
Many is the bond between the hopefull and the damned
Dok Saab and Mickey, thank you both for kommenting early!
I guess everyone will by Sunday..I hope more than guess!
And Dok saab, great idea...the code thing is what we'll do this week!!! haha I'm sure you'll spot me..you're my regularest reader ;)!
Komments first--
1. Empress-- This is like 'it's all about the money honey' meets 'materialistic must be slapped moron'..haha good attempt empress considering the time you did it in. Here's what I'd have liked in the structure: 'said I with a gleam'
'they have been here for many a generation said she'
'And what good did they said he'
'Cut them down will I' I particularly liked "And I will bring in bundles of a different green"
2. Mandi-- I can't count syllables, so it's pointless for me to talk about your structure. However, I can talk about your theme. To me this seems more like a senryu as far as the syllables are concerned. Though you do stick to the haiku theme of nature.. What I know of haiku is 'the place' 'season' and 'thought' must be established.. maybe you need to explain to everyone here how exactly this is a haiku.
3.Chaos- why do i feel this isn't one poem and this isn't just about earth. The luscious lips being metaphorical of grass and the rest smoke, clouds, the sea.. results of deforestation..? So well written as always, a pity I can't hear you recite it! haha.
4.Kavish Sinha-- My favourite this week, you have my vote what kreativity! Kolours talking... and I particularly liked--"I sit at the top", said Blue, "And I give color to the sun", Yellow quipped. The banter of the colours was as innocent as child prattle, two kids agreeing about a third a fourth being a superhero and the last little nerd being our favourite. Lovely!
5. Willy-- korrections first 'I lay hidden', 'that brought me whispers/ moans of grievings','As the last of my seeds drop/fall'. One of the most evocative pieces this week, very powerful. I didn't expect this one from you, I always imagined you to be more of a fantasy writer and you constantly surprise me..because the Rangan I know uses sms language to konverse haha and the Willy Wingfoot I critique is often close to stunning! :) You must maintain your language in parlance too, it helps as a writer...I know you are eager to pursue writing. That eagerness is contagious! and well, consuming too... I can't vote for you as the word as was pointed out by Dok Saab I think? is "green".. so technically there's a flaw.
Klashers, here's a classic example of a beautiful theme,extremely creative and well thought gone wrong. Maybe because he was in a hurry, like Richa was.. reading through a draft at least 3 times ensures you deliver the best product. Try to read yourself as somebody else.. : Good job Willy! Glad to have you back.
6. Agnisen-- Sorry I missed you earlier! Haha extremely cool! PP and KC, don't we all have them in school. Except my KC type taught maths.. English was always my favourite class and I found green in it more than in the games field..where I carried my books ever so often. Anyway, back to your klash..what I like is green being equated with sport.. and you managing to capture Othello-KC-PP and all so very well..except, you dreaming constantly of green is a bit off-putting, that's the only snag! :( I loved it. Keep writing!
7. GSV-- I can safely say you're spot on! and this is your most humorous offering ever! I like 'distinct' teeth and I almost voted for you but I loved Kaveesh's krayons! Your 'neighbor's pale yellow grass lawn' is hilarious!!! Very good!!! :)
8. Nandini- What a brilliant post, if only green figured just once in your post! :( I loved the name Panna, and if you hadn't emphasised (blue) Neel and just kept it at Neel leaving the rest to the reader's intelligence it'd have been even better. Great attempt. I felt like I was eating a particularly green spinach and cheese sandwich with more spinach and less cheese but I liked it all the same..:) haha. Good going! p.s. do you have a blog I need to add???
9. Mickey the monkey--Oh Mickey I want to vote for you!!! BRILLIANT. Kavish can I vote for Mickey?! haha. Okay, one snag "spring" instead of springs. I can see myself telling my kids, if I have them someday, this! I am beginning to want to meet you and your family Mickey!
10. Dok Saab-- haha Karyakarta ki dhajiyaan uda di. Good one! Well captured, 'fully furnished with teakwood furniture' got my goat! But that's a good idea... planting 5 trees for every tonne of paper.
11.Hummingnerd-- None of these seemed green to me!! :( but what did come across to me was this, the green of life pulsating-hence the root of prosperity, jealousy-the evil green through.. etc. But I felt that the rhythm was good but the green soul went for a six somewhere. Maybe you should explain the poem a bit, I need perspective!
12.NM-- Filmy is the word as Dok Saab said! I like the way you put it, "my blood is green" I felt the drama. But I sensed a lack of delicacy in the creation of Aslam's character.
13. Neharika-- Good to see you again!
"make me a child again" just for tonight.... beautiful. And I used to forget the saffron and green part too! Dok saab, good remedy!!!
14. KS-- one of my favourite poems!
@ Dok Saab and Shinjini,
The word filmy miffs me a bit. And its a pity that none so far has understood my article in its entirity.
My vote goes to WILLY
My Vote to GSV
Loved the use of the word in all its meanings
Hi All
My vote to
Kaveesh Sir
for very fresh approach
and shedding the extra lbs opps, words so fast
@ Missy! I don't think the soul goes for a six ;) and there is no mention of nature here Dok Saab!
@ NM, 'filmy' is indeed a vulgar word. Maybe it isn't appropriate for what you've written. I and I reckon Dok Saab too only meant it because the on the superficial level(which is probably what we gaged?) it sounded like the typical Hindu-Muslim affair...accentuated by the principles and things involved. Maybe you could give us insight into what we missed? And even you Hummingnerd, I'd love a perspective and interpretation.. Maybe I need to read the poem twice..:)
Votes so far--
Kaveesh- 1+2
GSV-- 1
Willy-- 1
@Missy
Mam....wonderful words those are.Willy is flying high....Thank you.
And you see,mam....every word is spelt right.
But...i thought "I lay Hid" was grammatically right....help me understand.
And...if you have read fantasy works,mam,"Grievings" are synonymous to "News"....and the stream here is personified....so.."She brings me grievings" was supposed to mean "The stream brings me news of what's left"..
hope this satisfies....
I'll be back with the komments n Defense :)
Thank u....
And "As last of my seeds fall" is apt...but "As last of my seeds drop" sounds cool and is not incorrect i guess...
Again help me understand!!
"I lay hid" is not correct English Willy, I am sure of that. I do read fantasy not as much as Sarang though haha and I do know what 'grievings' are.. and it's a beautiful word to use here. My suggestion was to add a sound to the grievings, because it'd accentuate your metaphor.
No defense needed haha.. :) Excellent post.
My vote...to WILLY, THE WINGFOOT
Komments tomorrow.
Swollen earth = grave (no, i'm not obsessed with death).
My presence beneath the earth is not a good sign, for what grows on it would be as futile and nihilistic as me.
My violet whores = Violet Orchids; They're distant because they're too near to be taken for granted. I call them whores for their biological promiscuity (Example, male wasps visit an orchid that looks and smells like a female)
Heavens don't shed a tear aka rain on them for utopia has no place for sin.
My farthest shores = The soles of my feet.
My pictures of distaste = The guilts that I carry for scaling the unwanted/wanted forbidden lands with those feet.
Broken King = Me.
Savour my brown = Relish my current state.
White is my only turmoil = refers to the froth created by water splashing above me.
Soft and green are her luscious lips = life's lips..not really grass but symbolically, yes.
That kiss me through the velvet soil = That want me to be alive again.
Yours
Pigment
@ Chaos I knew there was some deeper (below the earth) meaning involved in this. This is at a higher level for Klash
I apologise Princess...you should not have to pester us..its our responsibility to komment on our own...so here they are late as ever..
my komments:
Richa: inspired by a chance meeting which made me realize that all this greenery is more romantic and imp to us "city people" and not so much for those who live amidst it.
Mandy: a nice twist...never quite understood Haiku but your piece was vivid..liked the line leaves fall and leaves are born..
Chaos: Soft and Green are her luscious lips
That kiss me through the velvet soil
wonderful lines...also liked "violet whores" overall a medley of color and somewhat discordant.
Agnisen: Soccer as a patch of green..nice imagination. your rhyming seemed forced and a little out of sync in some places but I loved your novel approach.
Kavish: another wonderful piece from you..reminded me of a poem read long long ago.
Willy: I wish...
I wish...I could be EVERGREEN.
I wish...men had never been.
SUPERB line and wonderful imagery. i could actually see it happening or maybe its a landscape from one of them futuristic hollywood movies..overall a little sad but wonderfully written.
GSV: sir did not understand the context of the thing. I am sure if given full rein it would have been a nice story but the test here is to write 120 words and make it feel complete.
Nandini: losing green to the blue..what was he..Red??? :) liked the personification of the colors.
Mickey: Loved your piece and the subtle message that soon we wont have any trees left...it was funny yet full of pathos..i felt sad
Doc Saab: another brilliant though cynical piece...but u r right, one has to be realistic about such things and there are many sycophants out there.
Hummingnerd: i felt let down esp since u had our expectations set so high... why is love green? infact why is mind green...I know u dont like explaining your work but if you did maybe it will help us who dont understand such writings in the first go..
NM: there were flashes of brilliance here...blindness shimmered thru his eyes...When love gets bigger, belief becomes ego...but overall the theme failed to impress
Neeharika: one of the best interpretations of the word and the color itself.
Princess: once i understood it..i loved it...the thousand green leaves tinkling like bangles...uff i love that sound esp in the rain.
MY VOTE: SHin SHin
@ richa gupta- liked the flow of the poem..but a thing i point out,the poem is in self person and the person is depicted money minded.now when "I" believe in green money then "I" watching her in "horrified" expression is little 'difficult' unless i feel guilty for believing in money power.
@ mandappa kc- nice haiku..
if u havent repeated that stanza..it might have more beauty..
@chaos-liked the writeup after ur perspective..nice..
Agnisen chauhan- Goal..first day first show..nice work
@ kaveesh sinha- kavish bhai when when u were kid then how did u managed to understand that 'big ppl talk' by green color which finally made up ur mind to paint green ur scenery??? hehe..very nice take..:)
@ willy wingfoot-good imagination..:)
@ nandani sen- though the plot of the story was good, but scripting was just okay..
@micky the monkey- u r successful again to maintain wit in ur take this time..but for how long shall u be monkey thats u have to think..i mean u can think like us(humans)..u r literate too,, then why not be like human next time..ha?
rest komments after few hours..
You raised the kount by 9. Good job GSV
GSV..waise ek post per komment karoge toh 15 post ho jayenge..1 for the vote too?! haha
Hhhaaawww…I kant imagine people voting for me…haha
Well, for the comments…
Richa G…What a realistic interpretation of the word. I never thought I loved green just this way. “And they did what good? Cut them down I wud” shows pretty appositely what we are thinking at the moment.
Mandappa…I loved the haikus…but the one on blue intrigued me more. “That’s where I will die”…awesum! I wish we had sumthing substancial for the word-Green too…!
Chaos…Few words, meaning galore. I simply kant komment. Its inspiring, impaktful and baffling for me; all at the same time! I kan only say that am glad to be writing on the same page as u.
Aginsen…Shin wud know that apart from Jesus n Jules, another interest that we share are the English klasses. However I kud never dream about playing for Othello cuz I never played! ;) Awesum connection between the field and the klass and the dream and the retribution.
Willy… “I see my mother having the last laugh” and “I wish men had never been”. Man, how do u manage to think ov sumthin this great and immaculate. Each word is neat as a new pin. Though I fail to see future, but kud get hints from this one. Great personification!
GSV…Nice amalgamation of various Greens in here. The other side of the court to the plush green trees to the demand for ‘the green’ to the traffic signals. I just felt it lost track towards the end or maybe 120 is injustice to this marvelous convergence of ideas. Just felt so!
Nandini…Gr8 personifications. Panna, the shimmering emerald as well as that ov Neel. I loved how u brought in the envious element attached with green…”Green with jealousy”. However my attention in the form of pity was more to the protagonist than the conning Panna. Awww poor chap!...haha
Mickey…I am tired of lukin for u on orkut. I oughtta know u better mate. Hehe…always love what u write. This time again u portray an awesum concern that will be oh-so-true in the years to come. However the band Green (green day??) also must’ve taken its name from the kolor. How bout the child giving a thought to it? And yes, all those greens were too gud! Very upright!
Dok Saab…Haha..thinking palampur acting Manhattan ehhh?? Gr8 one. A typical reflection of what is today called the ‘Green Politics’. Gr8 depiction of modern times Dok saab..though my materialistic mind again diverts to the apartment…haha. But one thing that I loved was the name ‘Harit’ which itself means Greened and what an antithesis to the word.
Shin, when is LBC meet happening next btw?
Humming Nerd…I can never forget that ‘U’ wanted to vote for me last time I always used to wonder how Shin makes such bright friends like her…n was quasi-awestruck by u. The last three lines are magic. A beautifully woven structure..around poverty, pleasures and the person. ‘Green is thou, Green is thee’…Thou have madest Green lone by thee…..Haha! Kudos senior. As always, ur friend am proud to be.
NM… “When love gets bigger, belief becomes ego”…need we say more? Aslam rather seems vindictive than being egoistic here and poor Nysa had to suffer. Its heard, its known…but the blood being green is most fresh concept I’ve read. Just to clarify…Is the Green blood a denotation of Islam? How I wish Aslam could see the spark of love in Nysa’s eyes thru his blind ones. NM…u r such a conjurer when it comes to words. I know u…lontemps but we’ve never talked. This reminds me…Where did Sarang Bhai vanish this time? I am already missing him!
Neharika… “make me a child again, just for tonight”. I wish it were true but for words. Its horrendous to even imagine the flag without the Green. I loved every bit ov it. But I observe that most of us have related Green to Emerald. No doubts, u all r gems of a writer. ;)
Konfessioner Singh… this gal talks beyond my comprehension, probably that’s what makes her such a gud pal. I’ve learnt so so much from her. Harsringar…brings back the days when early morning collections were a part of my life. We used to kill these after a satiating smell. Their petioles produce henna color on the palms and I loved doing that. But all the October mornings come flashing by. “the morning winter arrived;embracing with a clink of green bangles…my rosy red winter kissed cheeks.” If there’s anyhting kalled undaunted imagination, Shin u got oodles of it.
aur aek post rest karne ke liye :)
And the much stressed and kontemplated vote...(with all due respect to all others who've written beautifully well)...
My vote goes to Umm..Aaah...Ahem..
Shin..Willy...Hummingnerd..Neharika..yes!
Niharika it is for me...
"its still green" she screeched with joy into stillness...very raw, very provoking..loved the piece!
Wud equally want to appreciate all others for those power packed greens!
Am really sorry for being so late on voting....was aout of touch with the virtual world from Friday afternoon.
To cut a long story short, my vote goes to Richa. Just loved the way she brought out the eternal struggle between bountiful nature and the obsession to encash it...and all this done through a green haze.
The other 3 pieces, I did consider for voting -
Kavish - nice & simple. Cool imagination
Mickey - hey the twist at the end was funny & great.
Konfessioner S - "1000 green bangles dancing in the moonlight" really touched the heart.
Since I guess I'm awfully late & voting must've closed, I wont really comment for each individual....but I really liked the concern about the diminishing greenery in most of the pieces. Dok Saab, I liked it the way you potrayed it.
My vote to MISSY
Ok...been to "BEOWULF"...anyone interested???
Just reached and i thought atleast i'll vote before its too late....assuming its not too late,already.
P.s:BEOWULF anyone again???
Hope sarang gets to watch this....pure FANTASY!
@ doksaab- thank you sir for the vote..:)
@ shinjini- ho jano do posts aapka kya jaayega haha...pehle to sabko comment karne ko bolti ho..ab komment to hum apne style se hi karnege...haha..
aur haan wo prudent decision is yet "green" in mind..for reference
[ Two Klashers wrote post the deadline and were a couple of hours late, Konfessioner Sarang might not have checked the Inbox again... I am putting up one of the posts of first time Klasher Seema.. this is not up for the Kompetition though! The second Klasher was GS Virmani, he had not kommented last time he participated and I thought it prudent to refrain from entertaining his late entry--Konfessioner Singh]
@richa gupta- wo komments mein aapki rachna ko self person bol diya galti se..treat it 'First person'..wo angrezi seekh raha hoon abhi..:)
@ dok saab- nice work again by you sir, the name of character,his party, his slogan,and demand(s)..:)Manhattan was just little funny..haha..
extremely sorry ,not keeping well ,cant understand much of whats written and unable to comment ,all i know is this one klash was so simple to asimilate and brought a smile to my otherwise "sick" week
so my vote for :Mickey the Monkey
realise this is not right but please may i comment when im feeling better ..time for tablets
:( so bye .. sorry again
hummingnerd- u sound good this week..it sounded like a song to me..haha..but i couldnt get it..:)
Yes....its hard for me to explain a poem. I believe writing a poetry is easier than explaining it...hahaha..Its not a matter of liking to explain..lol..
I tried to keep the poem pretty straight-forward. However, everyone seems to be deriving different interpretations out of it. So here it goes..
The poem is about, how money influences people and everything they do...which, involves who(also read, how) they love, who they make friends with, who they conquer, power, greed...basically, its a rant and something I'm good at - sarcasm. How green our love, mind...becomes. The poem both, tells and asks...
@Kaveesh
We are on the same grid...lol...I see glimpses of good 'old me in you. Thats why I like you. Easy with words, humor and particularly compliments ;)
@ Richa
I dint mean to set any standards. I write for myself now. I guess, everyone does. Its just a matter of wave-lengths matching :) However, I would try living up to the expectations one day. Thank you.
I think everyone should KOMMENT, regardless of how much time...blahs and blehs...Not Kommenting is injustice.
Though, I haven't yet. I will :p
Time for tablets too. My soul hates winter 'coz my Body does.
My Komments will be up by tomorrow morning...
"when the sun would shine,
and send shivers up my spine"
...lol :)
@ NM- okay
@ neharika- not with a utopian concept this time:) mera bharat mahan..green of tricolor flag, very different approach. though i was thinking someone would come up with rainbow..the VIBGYOR..Green is in the middle there..haha
take care of health..
time to sleep..
just one more to go...
konfessioner singh-
pata nahi kyon ye lines yaad aayi thi after reading ur poem..
ye aadhi raat ko fir choodiyan si kya khanakti hain..
koi aata hai ya meri hi zanzeerein chhanakti hain...
though i have read this before and i liked it again with added bonanzas for "green"(the last few lines and four extra words in the middle)
vote to shinjini singh
GSV: thanks for the insightful comment..u made me think if "I" would see a "horrified" expression if "I" was not guilty of anything...i think its possible to read other people's expression esp when they portray a strong emotion.
Nandini: Thanks for your vote...the only one I got but it made me feel sooo happy :)
Hope your feet are feeling like a part of your body again with no aches or pain :) soooon
Doc Saab: what "no poem" ...poem hi to likhi hai..ab aap yeh mat kahna ki you could not see my rhyme :(
I was in a great rush when I wrote my komments in the morning...was going out 200 miles to look at some houses and was already running late...saw the houses, finalised one and am moving on the 1st...so maybe will be a little rushed...
this is called bhoomika bhandhna..no no seriously people please pardon if I sound rushed next week or so
Neeharika...get better soon
Oh Sorry Richa !!
Actually I read your take on my Mobile browser, so could not see the format, just read as a text. Now I see its a perfect poem :).
Wonderful Klashes this week. I am really missing this place. I have been badly busy setting up my new office, so please forgive.
@ Sir Kaveesh, I'll rush in for detailed komments before the close!
May the Klash be ever green!
sorry for the dealy... im lost as to the timetable and deadlines..
as for explainin what the haiku is... from what i learnt. im new to haiku i just learnt it. and i heard it was .. 5 syllables, 7 syllables and 5 sylabbles as the format...
which is wat i have stuck to .
it is actually a bunch of haikus, exploring the different sides and colours... and maybe i couldve brought out green better... but the thought was expressin colours as parts of my life and the crowning is that it all exists on mother earth which is green.. thereby tryn to denote green as the top or numero uno in colour..
maybe right, maybe wrong... but i just do teh writing while others can decode wahtever... now for my komments which i shall give in sometime as it takes quite a while to digest and dissect pretty klashes!
:)
Here are my komments:
Richa: nice. The last line as good as it is, is againt my principles. :)
Chaos: Deep. neat. clean. sweet. deep more than green. great poem.
Agnisen: Lovely take. Lovely write. nothing more. and You dint establish the punch so much, so i couldn't say wow.
Kavish: Nice but not great.
Will Wingfoot: So true. reminds me of a song called "big yellow taxi". listen to it. very similar thought.
GSV: Something there, but somethings missing.
Nandine: Interesting but din't really like the pun on Neel.
Mickey: Sir, True. Nice. Crisp.
Dok Saab: True again. Harsh. But the essense isnt so much green. it couldve been any other issue too.
Hummingnerd:Dint get the flow. or i think it aint to smooth. But a good effort none the less.
NM: Nice to see you here sir, a nice thought but somewhere it doesnt make sense. green blood = religious principles? maybe i dint get it though.
Neharika: Nice. Not entirely polished though but interesting nonetheless.
Singhji: Awesome. thought the connection to poplar trees isnt obvious or vertain. once u know that, its absolutely brilliant.
hesitant to chose between Chaos and You, singhji but i think jus reading the two poems, i think ill hesitantly give my vote to
Konfessioner Singh
The votes so far
Kaveesh-3
Willy-2
Neharika, Richa, Mickey, GSV-1
Konfessioner Singh-- 4
I'd like to wait for Chaos and Agnisen to vote?!
Thank you all who voted for me!!! :)
Shinjini Singh...U've won the purple krown...yay yay!!
Whats the word?? ahem uhem??!
haha.. well I'm hurrying this now.. it's just the word anyway.. Chaos and Agnisen. Please please vote on time next time..Agnisen I cannot accept entry from you if you can't vote.
GSV, yes I remember my warning and not putting up your klash back then.
@ KONFESSIONER SINGH
Beautiful(after the explanation part). I'm super-awed by the imagination.
@ NEHARIKA
I had to read it again & again. Very imaginative too. If not for the flow, my vote would have been to you.
@ NM
In its entirety? Your posts are the easiest to read and real. I would have liked it even better, however, I have different views on these subjects. The writing is KEWL!
@ Hummingnerd
My favorite poem this month!
@ DOK SAAB
I was smiling(defeated) throughout till the end. I wish I could, you know, do something about it. The human race has become WEAK. I believe only weakness gives way to corruption, greed and... all the evils which are predominant these days !!!
@ MICKEY
I think you should have used green-day. Your posts are always creative. The idea was great, the execution was good!
"Papa, I have to write an essay on Green, can you help me?"
I think this was a flaw(in regards to the context). However, you should know better :)
@ NANDINI SEN
It took me a while to understand. I really dint figure the third character out. WOW. lol. Really Nice!
@ GSV
Except for the last sentence(the signal part), it was a KEWL. Do you have a blog?
@ WILLY
Your explanation really helped. Beautiful imagination. You could have used EVERGREEN as EVER-GREEN, perhaps. I dint see your KOMMENTS. BAD!
@ KAVEESH
You're the dude ;) Loved it.
The quality of KLASH has just been amazing this time around. I really had a tough time voting.
@ AGNISEN CHAUHAN
I liked it, but, YOU SHOULD KOMMENT!
@ CHAOS
Your explanation did a world of good. To me :P. KOMMENTS and VOTES!
@ MANDAPPA
I tried haiku once. I just tried....lol...!
@ RICHA
The idea was very good...however, you shouldn't try forcing rhymes. I used to do the same once, and a bit now too...
Finally...!!
Dear Klashers,
I've refrained from commenting and voting for some time now. You'll have to excuse me this time as well for not only am I late but also coz I've been working graveyard shifts. The new word is out so I guess it would be best if I forget green and comment from coffee onwards.
Yours
Rated L
@ shinjini- life is fair and beautiful...
for reference-
yours truly is the winner this week.. though unfairly!!!
congrats to winner....:)
Kongrats!!! Konfessioner Singh
Kongrats!! Ms Singh.
well Kaveesh the krown kould have been yours, but for a few votes. Better luck next time.
Neharika and Lunatik, get well soon!!! :)
Dok Saab, GSV, Kaveesh and Mickey thank you!!!
@ Chaos, it's understandable... :) but thank you all the same for participating...!!! :)
Agni's komments were mailed as he's been traveling, by a friend
Here they are--
Richa Gupta - Materialistic world eh? Good take. A few gramattical errors, pointed rightly by Missy.
Mandappa KC - Good one... However i thought that it didnt strongly signify the theme, green.
Chaos (72) Fantabulous. Your explanations helped. Wonderful penning of thoughts. Winner.
Kavish Sinha (120) This klash is close. Kavish, you have personified creativity in this klash.
Willy Wingfoot (111) With such beautiful thoughts, a ray of hope in the last verse wouldve made this one unbeatable. Winner for me, IF only green was more in context.
GSV(112) Pertinent. Ya, i agree with a previous comment about the signal....maybe not really relevant, unless it has an underlying meaning im missing. But you are one of my favorite writers on the klash.
Nandini Sen (113) Playing with words or playing with colours...haha? Brilliant one, but as i said this klash is outstanding.
Mickey the Monkey (120) Witty stuff. You have fantastic ideas.
Dok Saab (120) Pertinent again sir. Good one.
Hummingnerd (109) Good one. Just a question (unless i have missed any earlier post) Could you throw some light on what is the meaning of the following lines.... "Greener will be the sun, Greener will be the moon, Greener will you weep, Greener you will sleep" ... its good to know the underlying thought process behind verses :)
NM (120) Again pertinent. (Personal experience) Good one.
Neharika (120) Brilliant. The last 4 lines were awesome.
Konfessioner Singh (120) Brilliant. Close one, this klash.
Winner: Chaos
After Green, another colour !!
My vote goes to SHinjini, if tha counts! :o
Shall komment in detail soon!
haha thanks Sarang... I guess it doesn't but komments are always valuable to everyone.. I hope or rather YOU BETTER be klashing this week... :)
Mickey, oh yes..coffee is a colour too!
Post a Comment