Smile…
| 1. | to assume a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor, or amusement, but sometimes derision or scorn, characterized by an upturning of the corners of the mouth. |
| 2. | to regard with favor: Luck smiled on us that night. |
| 3. | to have a pleasant or agreeable appearance or aspect, as natural scenes, objects, etc.: The landscape smiled in the sunlight. |
[ENTRIES NOW CLOSED]
Lord Summer (120)
I lay drained and hungry beneath a massive hill,
Standing atop which, there was some grass still,
I was tired as a stone, and weak as a fly,
But my tongue stuck out long, saying, “Go Summer, try.”
I stood upon my trembling legs and trotted up the slope,
Through a blurry vision, eying my last hope.
For hours I staggered, on, on and on,
The waving grass calling me, “Dear horse, come on.”
But what happened up there, you don’t wanna read,
From the other part of mountain, climbed up a lovely, female steed.
I let her finish the grass; in return she offered a smile,
And I said grinning wide, “I can live on that for a while.”
==================
Sarang Mahajan (120)
Outside sat six people, or rather, six skeletons
There was also a skinny woman, who let her pallu drop at my sight
Her husband glanced my way, then walked away, silently
Three little girls stared at the twilight
Only misery and desperation can dwell here, I thought.
But then, one girl, clumsily clad in man’s shorts, walked up to me
Not amused by my car, but by my Donald Duck keychain
She smiled, the smile touched her eyes.
I smiled too.
If that innocent smile could spring out of that gloom, then there was hope, surely.
Richa Gupta (119/122)
The guns had started early today. The war and the casualties had hardened them by now and 4year old Ilayasa and her two older brothers could even smile, laugh and still be happy at little things. Zahed rounded up his 3kids for school. The 10minute walk was fraught with danger but it was a part of their routine now. Rubaiyya came out to see them off when Ilayasa remembering her bottle ran inside down to the basement. There was a big swoosh and the explosion rocked the whole house. Ilayasa came out to find her family lying in a twisted tangled pile of bodies. Today was the day she lost her whole world and today she lost her smile.
=======================================
GS Virmani (118)
"Do you like me?" asked Anirudh to her newly wed bride Neha.
"It is inconsequential now." she replied
and after a pause she started sobbing.
Hey what is this! I cant see you like this. I inferred your silence as an affirmation to our marriage. why didn't you told me before that u r not happy with this nuptial.
a few droplets of water on Anirudh's face made him awake from tense dream.
Neha was combing her curly wet hairs.the fragrance of her body was soothing enough to relieve pain of surreal..he embraced her into his arms and kissed twice.
"I had a bad dream just now Neha"..said Anirudh.
"It is inconsequential now"..replied Neha with a Monalisa "Smile".
====================================
Mandappa KC (120)
He was witty as always. Neha smiled the reassuring smile of a faithful girlfriend.
"I love your smile, but I got to run. Be back in fifteen" Saying that he grabbed his jacket and ran out of her sight.
Across the street to another café where Sneha was waiting.
He was witty as always. She smiled the smile of new found love. Her cute dimples more prominent than her sexy thin lips. "Oh, the things I do for your smile baby. Catch you later." Then he left.
A wicked smile on his lips as he crossed the street back to Neha.
Little did he realize their coy smiles inbetween. They had outwitted him. Caught
red-handed his wit and smile disappeared.
=========================================
Willy Wingfoot (122/135)
As tears rolled down my cheeks,momma took my hand, caressed my palms...& asked me.
Why i cant ride a Broom,momma? Why dont the trees fly?Why do the birds run way from me?Why i cant wear a robe to school? Where's the Oilphaunts? the Unicorn..fairies,..the Golems??Why am i not ruled by Kings so great?Where are the wizards with Fireworks?And the queen on the frozen throne?What of the Elves and the gruffy Dwarves?...Treasure,Gold...and MAGIC,momma??
She gave me a hug, put the blanket over and kissed me GoodNight.
That night i saw through the window, and faced a grim Moon staring back.For reasons unknown i smiled at it with my wet cheeks...n i found an overwhelming Hope in my little chest...when the MOON smiled back.
====================================
Mickey (95)
I can never forget that smile.
It certainly was a smile…
She was in great pain.
Her body was writhing,
Almost convulsing.
Face wet with sweat,
Hairs disheveled,
Teeth clenched,
She cried in agony.
Suddenly,
The pain worsened,
She went into a spasm
Her fist gripped my hand tightly,
A loud cry we heard,
Lusty cry of a baby.
She looked at me
A brief glint in her eyes
Just for a moment
Her lips curved upwards
And the dimple in her cheeks deepened.
It certainly was a smile….
I can never forget that smile.
==============================================
Butch gazes, Silver grazes on the
"And so esteemed jury, mine is not a plea. It's a demand for justice. They can mix contaminated water in milk, they can make our food poisonous with all the pesticides they use, they can rake millions with our tax money, they can render thousands homeless in the name of economic development. And how have we acted? Shambhu here with is pale face and ramshackle constitution might seem a sucker for scandalizing our honorable minister and make some quick money. What most fail to realize that, inspite of wiping off everything he had, his family, his house, his body, they have failed to wipe away one very important thing. His SMILE. Thanks Shambhu, for not letting them get you. "
==============================================
Priyanka Acharya (111)
He felt someone's eyes on him. He looked up and saw a girl, dressed in a full length cocktail dress, looking at him, and, he couldn't believe his eyes, smiling at him. At that time she looked as the most beautiful girl in the room. She went on smiling at him. He went up to her and said, "Hello". The girl looked at him, smiled in a suggestive way and said, "Hello". He was pleased. He continued, "I am Jack. Can I buy you a drink?" She said, "Sure, but before that I wanted to ask you if you could introduce me to your absolutely handsome friend, sitting at the bar?"
==============================================
Truth Dude (109)
her head hurt like hell.
bleeding.
fuck, that hurt!
she sat up a little dazed..
how long was she unconcious?
had she been raped?
her recollection was hazy.
she looked around...and saw the disarray.
then she saw the body.
he smelled of whisky.
and he was blue...
hard, cold and blue.
yes, he'd come at her.
almost every night, he'd come.
fetid and limp dicked, he'd come at her.
while her mother was out.
while the world slept.
he'd come at her.
screams and moans...
the bruise on his head
he wouldn't.
he wouldn't anymore.
that fat sodden bastard wouldn't.
and after years, she grinned a broken toothed smile.
====================================
Santonu (112)
The great soul was smiling, a big broad smile, after he came out from the jail, spending 3 decades in the darkness of the cell, was he really so happy? Mandela was smiling when riots broke out in the streets of
====================================
Misanthrope (197)
Rain of blood on the city under threat ,They say shoot and the god says die,The brave & the coward - Everyone has to die & the devil smiles. The grail is broken,Deprived thoughts wants to be free,The rays of night shines in my body,Depressive screams of victims I hear.A mother wants to touch her child,The blast wants to kill the child,The child died. The devil smiles.. The reason is clear,Destruction is the fear,Life is useless,Bravery is fatuous - slaves of humanity baths in blood, The devil smiles. My bonny eyes died,I don't see anything,I jus feel the blood - I jus hear scream,My soul gets violent,I felt the gun,I want to touch the trigger,The gun cries : the bullet flies,I am alive no more,Fear killed me for the soul. And the devil smiles,And the devil smiles,And the devil smiles, The sun rises : the ray lights the dead,My eyes reflects the face : the face that killed : the faces are two,They show the truth : The devil smiles & the god follows. ====================================
62 comments:
Hmmm..nicely written klashes.. :) So I think I can vote now.. I missed out on voting on the last one..
1. GS Virmani: Gud one..with the Mona Lisa smile..made me wonder..Anirudh really dreamt it or it really happened the night before..
2. Mandappa KC: The outwitting factor has been brought out well, a wee bit usual..though..!!
3. Willy Wingfoot: Awesome...simply awesome..!! You've captured the doubts and questions of a child's mind perfectly. :) It made me smile.. :)
4. Mickey: Great one..!! The joy of a newborn...
5. Butch gazes, Silver grazes on the Rio Grande Valley: Shambhu smiled on even in the time of adversity... :)
6. Truth Dude: Innocence avenged.. :)
7. Santonu: Nelson Mandela's true spirit shows through his smiles and the work he does.. A true humanitarian.. U did a great job..by writing about him.. :)
8. Misanthrope: Not a bad one..but a bit too satanic for my taste.. :)
Okk...and my vote goes to Willy Wingfoot :)
People I kommented exactly what I felt after reading the posts..so..no hard feelings..eh..!! :)
Take care..!! :)
Being a Judge is so boring !!!, had nothing to do for so many days. Now that the klash is up, will have some exercise for the fingers :).
No I am not spoiling your fun by voting now. I have just few observations for now.
-So many new faces (or are they Masks)
-and so many people missing, I wonder where are the original Konfessioners ( are they behind those masks)
-Richaa jee's muskaan is missing .
-Lord Summer, where is he grazing (not in Rio Grande Valley I suppose)
Komments will come next :)
Dok Saab!!
Sarang and Richa have posted!!! I am too un-smiling to post this week... :(
Nikhil... is probably busy!! but will vote I guess.. :)
I know Judging is SOOOO boring!!! haha.. but now that we have the poll..aur mazaa aayega... no more masks waise!! :D
Shinjini.
Note:--- WE HAVE A POLL OPTION, BUT KONFESSIONERS STILL HAVE TO PUT THEIR VOTES HERE SINCE THE POLL IS QUITE A FARCE! haha.. and it's mostly for our visitors! Actual winners will be based on the verdikt from the komments!
Cheers!
man, more and more kompetition in this klash... n oi shinjine, how n why did ye chicken out !!, i shall try be a lil sadistic in kommenting this time and scare some kompetition away....! hehe :)
Ow ow ow..!
Wingy' draws first blood...!!
Well chosen...Ms.Priyanka...our armour is in ur service!!!
No clue on whose behind what...Doc...but Master.Willy High Wingfoot is me...Rangan..!!
jus wanna adopt a new name...(different frm d ISRO cheif)
Komments shall follow....when land is in sight...!
Adieu..
Willy Wingfoot=Rangan
Dint really wanna disclose...bt dint know how 2 change d name while Kommenting....!!
Some from me....hope taken in the right spirit :
1)Misanthrope: Few questions...2nd line "They say shoot and the god says die" & 4th line "Everyone has to die & the devil smiles". If this is a poetic venture then probably the die shouldnt come twice, for the sake of lucidity (watsay?). Something like "The End awaits everyone & the devil smiles." Few more "A mother wants to touch her child,The blast wants to kill the child." Great feelings in this line, but can it be framed better. Also a lot of "personifications" and hence adjectives should do the trick for you in terms of filling the lines with the feelings you want to potray.
2)Santonu: "Smile was there when Julus were at battle and lost lives, was he too concerned?" A hint of sentence confusion or a bit misleading. Is there something you were trying to convey with this line (or 2 lines), which i'm missing?
3)Truth Dude: "how long was she unconcious? had she been raped? her recollection was hazy" Should this be "how long was she 'I' unconcious? had 'I' been raped? her recollection was hazy"......also the line "had she been raped?". Who's narrating this line? 3rd person or herself. Coz if its herself then the fact that every nite HE came for her doesnt match. And if its 3rd person, then ur poem/prose is a bit unstructured.
4)Priyanka Acharya: O Henry cometh? Good peice, O Henresque (i made up that word haha). Can it be better? Well "She went on smiling at him" isnt a great sentence and can be joined with one word with the following sentences.eg "Those continious suggestive smiles prompted him to walk up to her and pop out a 'Hello'."
5)Mickey: Hats off! Just 1 question. Can a childs voice be Lusty ie. vigorously passionate? Think about it. I'm sure you will have a better adjective for that cry.
6)Willy Wingfoot: Nostalgic! Ok, if the child was unhappy, why did he smile at the Moon ?(childish question, eh? You already said in the prose "For reasons unknown"). But does it go with the emotions. Or should it be " With pleading eyes, hungry for an answer, I stared at the MOON" And then the smile from the Moon and the child's joy. Watsay? One more: "Why i cant wear a robe to school?" = "Why cant I wear a robe to school?"...correct?
7)Mandappa KC: A bit confused with how the end was potrayed. "Little did he realize their coy smiles inbetween." Coy smiles in between what? How did they outwit him? Can you use 1, 2 or 3 words which could link it to the end?
8)GS Virmani: Great story.....again O Henresque, but awesome. Just that grammar was not paid attention too. I'm sure you are aware of the glaring mistakes.
My vote goes to "Mickey".....Virmani sir. The grammar left you a few points behind.
I hope all, in this forum accept constructive critisism (Im game as well)
Sorry for missing out the other 3:
9)Richa Gupta: Good peice. "The war and the casualties had hardened them by now and (should this and be a 'but') 4year old Ilayasa and her two older brothers could even smile, laugh and still be happy at little things." Cliched like, Butch's story.
10)Sarang M: "sheltering darkness" meaning? 2nd - "Only misery and desperation can dwell here"....where have you potrayed desperation in the earlier lines, to bring this thought?
11)Lord Summer: Funny yet Touchy one. Ok, "For hours I staggered, on, on and on,
The waving grass calling me, “Dear horse, come on.” Can you replace “Dear horse, come on.” with "C'mon! You are tired, i reckon".....coz your rhyming words remained the same ie. "on". Watsay?
12) Butch: Cliched one! Murdered lady with a smiling dead face, smile inspite of atrocities etc etc are the most cliched topics. More creativity like Virmani sir, Lord & Mickey.
@
Anirudha
1. Sheltering darkness - there is darkness inside the hut, because there is no bulb or electricity. It is also a metaphor for poverty.
2. Desperation - Well, if you got the meaning of the lines -
“There was also a skinny woman, who let her pallu drop at my sight”
“Her husband glanced my way, then walked away, silently”
- you will see desperation. Wives of the people living in huts make money out of prostitution, which their husbands allow. No husband will like it, but it is desperation, dude, which makes them let that happen.
@Anirudha
I read you comments on everyone’s work. I have a piece of advice for you. If you are a writer (which I am not sure about), you are at a very primary stage. You pay too much attention to the words and construction of sentences, but completely miss the meaning.
For instance, your comment on Richa’s Klash, or on Summer’s. Your suggestions are limited only up to words, but you do not comment on the soul or the theme. Writing poetry is less about words or rhyme, it is more about meaningfulness, but you look at it from the eye of an engineer, rather than that of an artist or a reader.
I am sure you will take it in the 'right spirit'!
Lord Summer--Koming from the horse mouth ,Very cute smile. Loved it.
Sarang Mahajan--Very beautiful portrayal of the word.
Richa Gupta--Nice trick you found to stay within the 120 word limit Richa Gupta 4year 3kids 10minute but the take was good indeed. I thought you would write some sanskrit on smile though
GS Virmani--"Monalisa Smile" good use of the famous smile ! well written Mr Virmani
Mandappa KC--Another Neha here (Mr Virmani also used Neha) smile is very well portrayed here too.
Willy Wingfoot--Rangan, you could have created a blog in Willys name, you took off your mask pretty fast. Good imagery here. reminded me of Harry Potter's story though
Mickey--NO Komments. And Aniruddh(what is ur mask here?) Lusty Cry means a vigorous cry and not passionate as in lust. Google Lusty cry of newborn and you'll find out :)
Butch Gazes--Could not Understand who is Shambho, sorry
Priyanka Acharya--Great leap from 885 to 111 :) Smile can be deceptive , very crisp writup ,well done Maam
Truth Dude--again a good one from Truth Dude, revengeful smile. Nice take on the word, great imagery.
Santonu--Always wondered what was so striking about this great leader. It was his smile !!
Misanthrope--Very good poem Manan, but you exceeded the word limit.
My Vote-- Lord Summerexcellent poetry, good use of the word.
@Aniruddha
Ya! there is a history behind the line, freedom struggle of Julu Inkatha Freedom Party was a problem for Mandela, becoz of many reasons....
hello people..here I am with my pearls of wisdom :) haha!! sorry to disappoint my Hindi/ Sanskrit fans (ahem!!) but last time so many did not understand it so this time using the "anglabhasha" again!!
Mickey you caught me man!! it took me ages to get to fit it in 120..and i feel i lost a lot of soul in trying to do that!!
Summer: Love your work man...it always brings a smile to me..nice take on the word..expected from a gal crazy..err filly crazy horse like you!!
Sarang: the line i liked most was
"There was also a skinny woman, who let her pallu drop at my sight
Her husband glanced my way, then walked away, silently"
I mean what other desperation did Anirudh want to see here...a husband walking away so his wife can earn some bucks..guess he did not get the meaning!!
Virmani: sorry boss its a good take and a nice link up with reality and dream but the language is weak and that kind of diminishes the beauty.
KC: you produce such good work always but this time have to say it fell below your usual mark. "he was witty" how..and where? they had outwitted him..again how and where!! did not understand it.
Wingfoot(Rangan): loved it..makes you think of a small kid who is just back from a Potter movie and wants the same world as Potter!! liked the ending too. Anirudh does not understand that moon does strange things to people and can make the gloomiest smile..let alone a kid!!
Mickey: WOW!! small words BIG impact. wheni began reading I thought it would be a cliched death thing but it was a life thing!! nice work
Silver Gazes: there is a lot that you can have done with your theme. the underlying theme and thought is nice but you have not been able to bring all that to surface. what Shambhu did and how he scandalized are a bit hazy.
Acharya: nice take..a personal experience eh??!! LOL
Dude: nice man and I for one do not care about who is narrating..1st person 3rd person who cares!!! the idea came through and i could feel the pain, the last words "broken toothed grin" although is not a "smile" (shall nit-pic) it definitely got the idea across!!
Santonu: nice take on the word and you picked a nice guy to do it with. one of the lines kind of made me feel that you were portraying Mandela as "not caring" coz he was smiling when riots broke out but in other places he seemed like a nice guy. but overall I felt that he was just too happy to be out of the stinking jail to care much about what happened around him!!
Misanthrope: same kinda theme as I had..so ofcourse it was amazing..great minds think alike. you did miss the word limit but i get the feeling you dont mind that too much!!
My Vote:Wingfoot..for bringing out the child in me and capturing the child like wonder and innocence so well
Phew...a long fly,dis one...!!
ppl,INNOCENCE seems 2 b attractin attention...If i've 2 confess-i wrote dis more on Self-satisfaction note n less on gettin noticed,really!!!
Startin with ME-Willy High Wingfoot A.k.a Rangan-Its just ME...n at20..m still d KID i was...Though d moon s yet 2 show me a different world!!
Summer: yet agn...good work!!wonder if HORSES knew their ruler s HERE...!
Sarang: Hello,sir...found time OFF ur final drafts,den.Dis s cool..really...!n i think u'ld have made a difference if u had put ur words on BODY(last week)...
Richa: Our armours at ur service,mam!If m not taken wrong...think u need 2 press on d fact of LOST SMILE...urs lie more on d lines of LOST HAPPINESS...Bt nice one,nontheless...a bit OFF target.
Virmani: Ya..Monalisa smile,nicely put.Bt d script left ME wantin 2 know more...
K.C: nah...sorry abt dis...bt ders
not much in here sir.
Misanthrope: mam,quiet unlike ur name...n dat Xplains a lot.Good one.
Butch.....: Ya,u chose a topic with overwhelmin possiblities,mate...bt dats a let down.
Acharya: Think Out-Of-The-Box,pal...n u'll find better themes 2 invest ur words on...this was too USUAL....
My komments:
Lord Summer
If you are competing I shall not participate hereafter.
Richa
Wonderful! We have a similar kind of sensibility. I would love to read the original version of this, and I have no doubt it will be a lot better than what you have posted here. Word limit is a Soul-eater.
GS Virmani
A good read, no doubt. You have tried to pack a punch in the end, but smile is not the theme. Off course, that’s my opinion. But I liked reading it.
Mandappa
Sir, Mandi! There are smiles everywhere. Is this your personal experience? Hehe, don’t murder me for this. Cool read.
Willy-Rangan-Wingfoot
My dear friend, Rangan. Welcome to the Klash. I loved your take on ‘smile’ just as much I loved the one on ‘body’. I think, two of us here are closest to Oliphaunts and Unicorns. A wonderful piece, bro. Nice use of the word. The end left me smiling.
And why the name Willy Wingfoot? Is it some character I do not know, or is it the one Eomar gives Aragorn?
Mickey
A brilliant take! Although your theme is difficult to understand, it is a great concept. If you could have made the end clearer, it would have appealed many of us here. But I love it.
Butch
The end was meaningful in a literary sense, but in practical life, the smile of a defeated man has no meaning. It is an empty smile. You are not a winner just because you are smiling. But forgive me, if I have completely misunderstood your take. It was a good read surely.
Priyanka
Nice one! Though I have seen this a lot of times in movies, it does make me smile.
Truth Dude
Gripping theme. Very intense. But I have doubt she will smile after she has murdered the rapist, a man who tortured her. I think it will be a memory she would want to forget. But it depends on the nature of the person. There might be a girl who would actually smile. So cool! Very well written.
Santonu
You have thought of something out-of-the-box, I’d say. A different side of smile! I like your idea for the topic. Could visualize Mandela smiling in all those situations. A good one!
Misanthrope
Nice and misanthropic! Hehe. Very well-written. Similar theme as Richas’s, but you have not paid much attention to the word limit; just enjoyed writing it. I understand.
Vote
I am of an opinion that word-limit should be taken seriously. Because, it tests your skill. Most are good writers here, they would surely write cool stuff without the word limit, but here we should think of topics that could be fitted convincingly in the word limit.
I cannot vote Rangan even if I loved his write-up. I know he did not mind the word limit, but he should from the next time. He had a clear scope of reducing the words. And Richa, just two words, what were you doing? Such a good piece!
Even I hate the word limit at times, when I have to cripple a good write-up and post it here. But that’s the challenge. And I think it should be taken seriously, or your good write-up does injustice to the crippled write-ups of others. I hope everyone gets my point. My Vote goes to Mickey.
SERIOUS ERROR!
in d previous comment 4 Misanthrope,its actually-"Quiet LIKE ur name" n not "UNLIKE"...
sry abt dat...ai'nt too comfortable,d treetop here...!!
nwud u Xplain d last line,plz..."The Devil Smiles...& god follows"??
i get a view of an atheist...not a prob...bt need confirmation if dats wat it's suppose 2 mean.
Mickey: Gr8 work,dis one...*applauds*...need a word on how u managed 2 keep it well under d limit,sir!!!
Truth Dude: u seem 2 dwell on Pain a lot...a cool one dis...smile while in pain does sound strange...bt EFECTIVE...!
Santonu: Nvr much of a political person,dat I am...bt goin by d famous name,i wonder how d tought of HIM occured..!!
My vote wud have been 2 Misanthrope,if she had been Closer 2 limit..even if NOT within it...
Mickey's was too compellin 2 b d nxt best...bt something...i fail 2 understand...had me vote LORD SUMMER the best!!!
second time in a row..SUMMER..!!
Bt...r u starving still..??i can c fresh Green Unspoiled Grass frm UP here...d sky wer i fly...i cant carry U...bt i can lead u..!!
so says,Wingfoot The High...
@ Sarang Sir Sarang !! could you make that vote in bold. I am so excited to get a vote from you Sir.
@Sarang...nah...Wingfoot s a name u cud not have heard b4...its jus a name i gave 4 a li'l birdy in my EVER incomplete book...n i happen 2 find d name amusin too...though d form of d bird still changes with changin times...YET 2 decide..
n i was inspired by SUMMER takin up Summer,the Stallion...so Y not intoduce Wingy 2 u all...he's impressed(he chirps)!! :-)
@ Anirudha..
ur Question puts me off balance...
"Y wud d child smile?"??
eh...uhm...hmm..ah...well, he did...coz he did...!n i tought ders no reason,Y he shud'nt!!
"Why i cant wear a robe 2 school?" is wat i wanted u 2 read coz he s a KID...n dats how kids talk...!Get me,rite?
like "I did'nt say NOTHING" instead of "I did'nt say A THING"
first off, at the komments!!
i had written bout two three pieces, but i dint wanna get into teh hurt smiles,a nd smiles despite pain territory, so i thought id post this to reflect different kinda smiles in a small story... tho i do agree i couldve done better...
@aniruddha-- well, when u write a short piece, i think its good to leave a little to the imagination, if i had to tell u what his wit was, then id be restrictin the character rather than letting u draw him up in ure mind...
as to how the outwitted him - its cuz he thought he was connong two women, but they knew his game ..
@richa - witty cuz he made them laugh...and they outwiited him cuz they caught him in his own game !
@ sarang - no, not personal experience, was tryin to see if i could depict more than one smile in a short piece, cuz after all there are so many kinds of smiles!
this is gonna be long ---
Lord Summer: loved it. the 120 words were a breeze, uve got talent to match that attitude, oh stallion of the wind. but ive got more to tell u...later
Sarang: need i say much. brilliant. one grammatical error--"clad in man's shorts." i think shud be "cald in a man's shorts"..i maybe wrong tho
Richa: Ouch! but nice written. but personally feel the last line didn't match the brilliance of the rest.
Virmani: New here? superb. really nice. Though i dint like the usage of Monalisa's smile for it dint seem to go with the flow.
Willy: Nice. Your grammar while questioning was not right. and the end...just hmmmmmm...
Mickey: Your really good at capturing a moment, thought or issue. nicely captured
Butch: Nice. But keeping your smile despite losing your family seems a little far fetched and therefore not smooth.. i maybe wrong.
Priyanka: ok. twist. advice if i could - when your delivering a twist or punch in the end, keep the sentence short. a punch can never be a long sentence. unless ure like a brilliant dialogue writer.
Truth dude: nice. deep. but i think ive seen or heard this somewhere before
Santano: a very different take, i'll apllaud though politics aint my cup of tea. "was he really happy" tho threw me off a bit.
Misanthrope: i really enjoyed this even though a few sentences here and there dint seem to be right. a few sentences confused me but overall brilliance shines through. but for sarang's sake - word limit...BIG NO!!
its a tough chooice for me between Sarang and Lord Summer. re-reading i did find some errors in both. sarang ive told u.
Lord - Through a blurry vision should be through blurry vision.
and when you say on, on and on..there is no comma before the first on....
if i can divide my 1 vote between sarang n lord summer...then .5 and .5....if not let me know and i shall think of some innovative way, like inky, pinky, ponky or a coin toss!!! :)
dear dudes and dudettes.
It's been nice here at the klash. I won't try to undermine your intelligence by posting more about the stuff I wrote and why (if my writing doesn't do the talking, it's probably not worth it to talk about it anyway)...but yea...there's just one thing I want to say before I go to komments.
'A smile gets its value from pain.' It's a paradox like many others.
ok...Komments
Summer
Evocative, beautiful poetry. I love the way you rhyme. Very easy to read and as a writer, I understand the amount of sheer work one must put into it to make it look so easy. I definitely appreciate it.
Sarang
You rock dude! I loved your piece … the only glitch - 'the car coughed and dried(?)'. It is a wonderful...simple and touching piece. Awesome!
Richa
Solid writing there! The pathos of the whole situation could have been described a little better, but that's just my opinion. Other than that I think it's harsh and seems very real. That's what makes it so effective.
GSV
Well…the first sentence has a bit of gender confusion. I don't like the usage of ‘u r' instead of you are. Either you are careless or your punctuation is terrible.
Please don't undermine the people here with shoddy writing. These are people who will put in the time and effort into reading each piece and commenting. Make it worth their while to do so.
The concept works...just barely. I'd like to see a definitive effort on your part for the next time round please.
Mandappa
I think you are the most inventive of us. Your writing/concepts may not work all the time, but you keep trying to do different things. I think that's one of the best things about you. This group would be diminished without you. Do continue!!
About this particular piece it is not immediately clear as to how the protagonist was outwitted but I liked the fact that the predator became the prey. :)
Willy
Adorable...really! My dad tells me, that when I was a kid I would constantly ask questions. And somehow as we become adults we lose the ability, because we think we 'understand' it all. While it is certainly true that we need not ask many questions now, it still is a lost art. With you, I relearn! :)
Mickey
I thought about it…and I thought about it and I almost decided to write about it. But I’m glad I didn’t…because you wrote a much better piece than what I would on the first smile…the one that matters! Incredible!
My only complaint…it takes a little bit of an effort to read…and like I said earlier, it takes a lot of effort to keep things easy to read. Think about it.
Butch gazes, Silver grazes on the Rio Grande Valley
Ok…I don’t know what to make of this one. It’s a dialogue, being said to a jury. More like a closing statement. But I don’t get the context. So I don’t quite know what to make of it. I mean why is this Shambhu character there …being judged for what…who’s making the case? I know you may have it all in place…but it ain’t visible ..so I don’t know.
Priyanka
The first thing that flashed in my head was the Sony Ericsson commercial - the one where the woman is speaking on the phone and the guy thinks she’s speaking to him. The scenario you created reminded me of that. But as writing goes, I think it’s well written…the idea is a little weak. But you’ve got the language on your side!
Me
I’m not the best person to judge me…so I’ll give this one a miss.
Santonu
There sure is a lot of smiles in this one. I think this smile is one of confrontation that relaxed and uncomplicated. That says a lot. But yes, I think it could’ve have been better, more direct…and definitely more political (if that’s what you wanted).
Misanthrope
Wow…that was bloody long and bloody good. But the devil smiles and the god follow…I don’t think so! I think the devil and the god are imagination at work and two aspects of one personality. You choose, my man…you choose!
My vote…
Summer!
@Malted Soctail...
as Xplained earlier 2 Anirudha...a lil Grammar imperfections wer reqd 2 maintain d language of d kid...
I wud like 2 know which one u r referrin 2...
@ rangan
well fair enough explanation...
was referring to
"why i cant...."
instead of "why cant i...."
Well, as far as my poem is concern , I will explain some of its lines in the next comment.
Lord Summer :
It surely requires severe efforts to make it rhyme & you have done it so well. Last lines are quite benign. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful write.
Sarang :
hmmm..At the glance, it gave me a baneful look, somehow ! which its not for sure :) Enjoyed reading it..cool che ! (m a gujju)
Richa :
we have had similar theme, eh ? hehe.. well, great minds surely work alike..
GS Virmani:
why do girls start crying always ? An agile write filled with versimilitude. Vanquishing the reader's mind for a while, the write takes me higher than the flight..
Mandappa :
Sooo many smiles ? & that also , kept veering around few wonderful line. again, a very good one from you..
Willy Wingfoot :
Well, you played with emotions with such an ease that made me ponder about the depth of the write. Its nice to see different "SMILES" from everyone around..
Mickey :
Pain & Smile..Wonderful !! You work quite well with the opposites, eh ?
Silver grazes:
A venal judge & a policeman/government , playing with the innocent poor people..good theme & nicely written..
Priyanka :
Awww..Poor boy ! Was a funny write for sure. Keep it up , I am enjoying your writes..
Truth Dude :
want me to write in a "bloody" style ? :) Few abusive words, but they are used appropriately I believe.
Santonu:
Soul Smiling ? I didn't know that a soul can also smile. Somehow, I have strong hatred towards leaders but as far as quality of your write is concerned, its fantastic & enjoyable.
My vote : Lord Summer for an enthralling write..
Results so far:
Willy Rangan Wingfoot- 6, Both the Ladies in the house have voted for him :) 5 of Richa and 1 of Priyanka.
Lord Summer- 4.5 (Willy, Mickey, Truth dude and misanthrope 1 each, and 0.5 of Mandi)
Mickey- 2 (Sarang and aniruddh)
Sarang-0.5 (Mandi) Mandappa toss a coin if you have to, but half vote will be disqualified :)
Those who have not voted-(Santonu, Virmani, Bucth gazes, NM, KS )Please komment and vote, before I give my judgement.
@ Sarang
Respected Sir. You sure have brilliant deducing powers a la Sherlock Saheb. I mean, i'm not only a writer at a primary stage, an engineers delight, and a less read man (how on earth could i have missed the fact that 'sheltering darkness' is a metaphor for penury), i'm also a poor kommenter.
Indeed i have learned that poetry is less about words/rhyme, but more about meaningfulness (suprfiiicial pefction ist the nme off thhhe gaem, bt maening iss!). Only that my unevolved artistic sense wasnt able to pick up some hidden(or obvious) meanings like the 'desperation' bit. Alas, didnt look before i leapt.
My quest for artistic sense has just started with your Komment. Thank you.
Also sir, the name is Aniruddha (sorry for the engineers view here as well)....a la Butch :)
Lord Mandi, I be waiting for the coin to be tossed, kind Sir! :D
If you were to ask me who is the best kommenter this week, I'd say Aniruddha aka Buch.
Not because he is a dear friend,but because he had some honest inputs there.
Grammar and form, I do believe are vital to a work of writing...why else does one write?? we of course are all learners and if someone doesn't come neat about what's wrong with what..it's not worth our while to be writing then! :)
Ani took a lot of time to write those, as he gave corrections too..something even I have stopped doing! and as a Konfessioner here's a vaddi jhappi and thumbs up for his effort.
Thanks Ani.. :)
Shinjini.
@Anirudh
Buddy, I hope you took my komment on your komment in a friendly manner. Sorry, if you felt otherwise. You indeed took a lot of pain to go through everyone's write up so thoroughly. We all appreciate that.
Sat sri akal Komrades!!! :) I am extremely sorry I didn't participate this week (considering how I whack your butts if you don't submit your klashes haha...) have these stupid stupid STUPID exams on!!
But as always, the Klash is something I look forward to!! :)
My komments (my vote doesn't count this week because I didn't participate!)
1. Lord Summer-- what a klose call my rhyming quadruped friend!! You seem to have won the "visiting voter's choice" haha (the poll!)
Did Chameli (the female steed) just smile? haha.. lovely! I can imagine this as a cartoon in fact! It'd make a great flash animation...!! (btw you're my winner not that the vote counts but still!) Reason being, you stuck to the word limit and there is a lot of simple creativity, humor, courage and even romance involved here.. That is the mark of a great story and of course writer. Well done! :)
2.Sarang-- There's a lot happening in this story.. I liked the bit about his wealth being his ribcage and about the kids looking up at the moonlight.. and her smile reaching her eyes. I think, the part about hope was not needed... It's perfect till the little girl smiling!
3. Richa-- Empress, you cheater hen!! BADMASH! I see the numbers stuck to the words..!!! hahaha..!!! It's a sad story..makes me think of Afghanisthan.. but the pain came through only with 2 bits one was the part about the kids being happy and the other about the entangled dead bodies...
4.GS-- this sounds a bit like a wedding night thing or hospital bed drama.. haha.. good try..except, where are your komments?? You tried to use pain, surreal, body, kiss and smile full marks on that account! A couple of hitches here and there though...keep klashing and do komment!
5.Mandi-- Sexy thin lips et al haan..!!! haha loved the way you described the faithful girlfriend bit, especially because towards the end she smiles at the other guy good good! Only problem is the number of times smile is used.. kind of makes it in your face and all.. But I like the take!
6. Wingfoot-- What a lovely take, honestly.. It's been ages since something made me smile this way! It was the elements in Summer's story that won him my inconsequential vote this week..but yours is just bravo..do write a 300 word story on this one..Son and mother--magic--dreams--the moon. Brilliant!
7. Mickey-- Childbirth!! Who would've considered this... absolutely radiant.. and you've done a good job with the writing too..! Bet the lady felt better post expelling the watermelon! haha oh god i'm sick..haha.. :) This DID make me smile too!
p.s. was it a girl or a boy?!
8. Buch-- I liked this very much for the simple reason that it was an extremely different take, a courtroom! who'd smile there?!!! Good job.. The fact that you put in considerable dialog in 120 words is impressive! If you'd removed the two they cans and stuck to the commas you'd manage better! :)
9.Priyanka-- haha uski toh jhel hi ho gayi hogi..haha.. Sounds real! :)
10. Truth Dude-- was the man her father?! I like the use of fetid and limp dicked.. raw take.. I like it..very much indeed!
11. Santonu-- A lovely take, but strictly in terms of essence. You have such good baselines and you can do so much better! None of thought of writing about a leader's smile.. this is what's made the post very unique indeed! And Mandela also smiled real wide when Oprah kissed him on the Oprah Winfrey show! haha..:)
12. Misanthrope-- The Devil smiles indeed.. After reading Marlowe's Dr. Faustus and all about Lucifer, Mephistopheles and Beelzebub I realized what hell really was.. when Dr. Faustus asks Mephistopheles what is hell, he answers that everything that is not heaven is hell. Your post reminded me of the play and I was thinking that somehow, your poem is not about evil..and all of us associate "evil" with the Devil. Yours is about pain and death and much more of course. Good take! Thou shalt be a winner sometime soon huh?! haha..
Thanks all..12 posts is a LOT!!! wow took me at least 20 minutes if not more to write this damn thing! Uff!!! :D
As ever,
Konfessioner Singh.
@Shinjini
Now that you have suggested it, I feel I could have ended it at the smile, but it did not come to my mind then.
@Misanthrope
Gujju Bhai, why do you find it baneful? I have based it upon a family I frequently see, that of the watchman of my office complex. They live a vary sad life. The man has three kids who sit staring in the darkness with long faces every evening, no toys no nothing. All three kids are very cute, especially the daughter. She must be 3 or 4, but she has the most innocent smile I have seen. And despite the harsh practicalities her family faces every day, she has a lot of innocence which just does not belong to that hut.
@Truthdude
Buddy, by “my car coughed and dried” I meant, it ran out of its fuel.
@Mandi
Brother, precisely the “a” which I had to remove due to the word limit, is what you caught. Haha! But yes, I should have circused a little more and tried to keep the grammar intact.
@Richa
Thanks for the support.
@Micky
Thanks for the kind words, buddy.
@Priyanka
Why o why did you ignore my Klash? And of Richa and Lord Summer?
Apologies again. I am sure my inertia to Klash hasnt irked any of all the lovely, old and new Komrades. Been a tad too busy.
Here are my Komments for the week:
G.S Virmani: Welcome to Klash! Well, I liked it but I fail to understand the mention of Monalisa. Threw me out of the otherwise quite engaging post.
Mandy: Ahem Ahem. Sir Mandy, my apologies. But this isn't really working. Nice Idea? Not really. Well executed? Yes and No. Well worded? Not exactly. Will tell you the problems here, (I am not much of a writer aka Aniruddha but I do know tit bits of story telling) He was witty as always is how your post starts. A smarter idea (or so i think) would have been to start it with a real crisp, smart-arse bit of dialogue and then get on with it. There's loads of more i need to tell, but that I think i should hold back. I am true blue fan Sir Mandy, this time... I guess the blue became an altogether different hue.
Willy Wingfoot: Rangan mah man! Welcome to Klash as the Willy guy. Its a nice article. But that's that. You are justifying the structure saying that it should look like its written by a kid. Then temme one li'l thing, why wud a kid mention somethin like "Overwhelming hope in my little chest?" Looks like the author in you took over in the end. But all in all a smart writeup.
P.S: Kindly DO take the word limit seriously. Makes it fun.
Mickey: Ahoy! Very well done! Loved it... And I did get the lusty smile thingy.
Just for a moment
Her lips curved upwards
And the dimple in her cheeks deepened.
It certainly was a smile….
I can never forget that smile.
Superb work Mickey!
Butch: Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm. Long speech about some issue and some Raghu both of whom I couldnt relate to. Welcome to the Klash.
Priyanka: Nice Idea. Nice words. Nice Klash. :)
Truth Dude: Good as always. Nice take on the word. Liked it.
Santonu: That was some general knowledge! Nicely worded and crisply written. Keep it up!
Misanthrope: THE WORD LIMIT IS 120 But i think you needed the words to get your story through which u successfully do. Cool work.
Richajee: Loved it! Vivid imagery! Good one!
Sarang: Bro, this was such an uncool situation but penned in such a cool way. I dont think the metaphor was tough to get, in fact it was quite clear.
And finally
Lord Summer: Dude, horse-land must be proud of you! Its one of the best Klashes ever! It has everything in it..! And yeah, its perfectly alrite if on rhymes with on! It mustve turned quite a few mares on! :)
My Vote: LORD SUMMER.
I could see a lot of venom being exchanged on the Klash this week. I dont agree with Shinjini about the komment of the week. What I really liked about Aniruddha's komment was that he was honest. But I seriously recommend everyone to rate articles on the basis of content rather than typing mistakes and grammar errors. All of us are busy individuals leading dual lives. Unlike me all of you are taking time out to Klash and its unfair to expect grammatically perfect articles to be written in a couple of hours.
Suggest corrections in structure, give innovative ideas to improve a story. Pointing out a grammatical disaster is one thing, pointing out the smallest of grammatical flaws by a microscopic view is something I wouldnt really recommend.
Klash should become a storehouse of brilliant stories; grammar not withstanding.
Lets make a conscious effort to keep our grammar intact but dont overdo it while analysing others' articles.
Thank you everyone for making the Klash a beautiful place. The konfessioners have never been happier. Lets hope that we grow by leaps and bounds in the coming months with more Klashes, Klashers and Kommenters!
Thank you Shin-Shin for introducing the poll option. You rock!
Thank you Dok Saab for being the wall of Karma n Konfessions.
Thank you Mandy, Truth Dude, Richaji and Santonu for being with us right from day 1.
Thank you all the new Klashers. You just made our world a tad more special.
Thank you Summer for being so painfully innocent.
Thank you.
NM
Watch this space for news about the exclusive KnK website. If you thought that the Klash was all about blogging. You ought to think again.
Wow !! Komments are getting hotter than the Klash!!
I specially liked Nikhil's Komments on Missy's Komments on Sarangs Komments on Aniruddh's Komments!!
I have only one point to add to nikhils komments. one Saint Poet kommented, Nindak niare raakhiye.
If a Kritik will start caring for what people will say, he will cease to be a kritik.
But the best Komment award should go to Nikhil, he took time to give such nice kommenst even though he kould not klash himself, and the thanksgiving part reminded me like he was rehearsing for the oscars :)
bold
@Nikhil
Mera Bhai hoke mujhe ko vote nahi diya! :X
The word was Smile but we saw, deceit, valor, pain, poverty, gloom, hope, terror, dream, flirt, revenge, and smile in all these emotions. Great Klash !!
So much has been kommented so far that there is nothing much left for me to do.
Being associated with the klash for such a long time one naturally develops certain prejudices and biases.
But Since I am on the judges Chair, I will have to leave aside my prejudices and be very objective in assessing. The konfessioners have provided me with a five point scale to measure the Klashes, so I will stick to that scale, which is like this-
1.Relevance of the word
2.Word limit.
3.Quality of content
4.Imagination and creativity
5.Artistic appeal, as in literary sense
Lord Summer Well well I am a die hard fan of the Horse that writes. This time his take is very touching, Sacrificing Grass for a lovely female !!. Perfect poetry, My Points- 9
Sarang MahajanAlways love to read your take Boss, though your presence is seldom. This one appears to be a scene from an art film. Very effective imagery. and the innocent smile does convey the hope. I liked the starting line though car coughed and dried. My Points- 9
Richa Gupta Richa jee !! Like Mickey I too was expecting a sundar kavita on muskaan.But this one is nice too, living under the shadow of guns, one cant imagine sitting in the comforts of the AC cafe's. You have brought out the situation well. My Points- 7
GS VirmaniWelcome to the show Virmani Ji.Monalisa Smile is the most enigmatic smile. I wonder why Neha gave that smile :). My Points- 7 I feel the word is not the soul of your take.
Mandappa KC So full of smiles :) Mandi Sir. flirting , wicked, faithful, coy, dimpled and fading smiles. Very imaginative. My Points- 9
Willy WingfootKasturi the new identity is very kreative, so is the klash, full of childish imaginations. My Points- 8
Mickey Have you ever seen a labour pain Dude!! Most satisfactory smile of a mother. I have seen thousands of such smile emerging from behind a painful face of the proud mother.My Points- 9
Butch Gazes I feel 120 word was too little for you to describe your piece. Could not quite get the situation. But got the message, smile should be the last thing to go.My Points- 7
Priyanka AcharyaSuggestive smilescan do wonders. a good one!! Priyanka.My Points- 8
Truth Dude excellent, just like your previous klashes. But I feel revenge is the theme
here.My Points- 8
Santonu Mandela, always smiling whatever be the situation. Good thinking My Points- 8
Misanthrope Manan, very nice poem indeed. devilish smile. But too many words My Points- 8
This far Willy Rangan got maximum votes (6) but Lord Summer is emerging the popular choice.
I had to choose between Summer, Sarang, Mandappa and mickey , all four on equal scale by me, I will go with the crowd and give my vote to Lord Summer
Congratulations Lord Summer! :)
I fail to understand what the brouhaha over some komments on grammar is all about!!!!
I don't see it as a threatening or hurtful exercise!!
Nikhil, the poll option was Dok Saab's idea.. Thank you Dok Saab and you do rock as the Judge!!! Permanent post doon kya?! haha!!
Cheers,
Shinjini.
Great klash this time, but missed Ana, NM, and Missy's takes.
Congrats Lord Summer May God provide you with greener pastures.
@ Missy- permanent posting as a Judge !! seems like sending the Daroga jee to police lines :)
I think the winner should be made the judge for next week, that way no one can win twice in a row, and give others a chance. and the judges votes are 10 too many. I could have made any one a winner with my 10. Other peoples vote become inconsequential
One more recommendation. Those who dont komment/vote should have no vote in the next klash
The brouhaha is not about komments about grammar. Its about komments which ruin an article's impact citing grammar as an excuse.
@ Dok Saab ! You've been the best judge in Klash history!
I loved the oscar rehearsal bit! Were u being sarcastic? :P
@Sarang Bro, i wudve voted for you... but a certain horse turned out to be a much better writer.
@Shin-Shin I am the kontroversy king honey... The brouhaha is evenly sided. Me and Sarang can argue till land's end about it.
Lets agree to disagree.
@ Sarang..
My apologies to you...and Richa and Lord Summer...but I kommented before you people posted. And after that my net was doen and out.. :( Today was able to read them..nice work...everybody..!! :) Am really glad I am posting on klash...and hope to get better day by day...am sort of getting inspired by ur posts komrades... :) Happy writing...again and again.. :)
Hinn hinn hinn hinn!!!!! :)
Who else but me, eh? 8)
I am the greatest horse-poet ever, now matching the humans hoof-to-leg. I am proud of myself.
My Lord Dook Saab: I owe you ten free rides in the battle for the ten pointer. May you always find your grass soft and tasty!
Lord NM:Thank you for the vote. May your Komment win the Oscar.
Lady Shinjini:Thank you for the inconsequential vote. Wish you all the luck for your exams. May the paper taste nice.
Lord Teacher (Aniruddha):A good post, lordy. And thank you for teaching me the rules of human poetry. In horseland we just scamper off in any direction, born free as we are!
Lord Truthdude:I like that character, very much like mine. Strong and winning. And many thanks for your vote!
Lord Misanthrope:We are pals, hereafter, my human friend. Thank you. The horse loved your post.
Lord Malted Socktail:Only half a ride for you. Wonderful post from your end.
Lord Willy Wingfoot:When humans did not believe up to this point that horses could smile, how they took in your smiling-moon stuff? Thank you for the vote and a magical post.
Lord Sarang:You better don’t show up hereafter, then.
Lady Richa:Thank you for the vote you gave me in the last Klash. Hop you found your grass after that.
Lord Mickey Mouse:You got a good head on your human shoulders, sir. Nice use of it. Good imagination. Thank you vary much for the vote.
Lord Santonu:Mandela is well-known in the land of horses too. I gave him a ride once in past. A good man. Always smiling. When I slipped over a hippo’s waste and fell into a swampy puddle, he was still smiling.
Lord GS Virmani:Wish to see you everytime here. Good Klash, yours. Thank you for the vote, even if you still have not given it to me.
Lady Priyanka:Thanks for not reading my post. But I liked yours. Good one.
Now hold your breath, my hundred point vote goes to Lord Dok Saab, and the one pointer goes to – the friend of my friend Mandela, Santonu!
@nikhil
last part of u r komment sounded like a vote of thanks :), i hope u dont want to put a stop @ klash here:(
Well the idea of 120 words is excellent, it helped me to go through many pieces which i'd have never read, so strictly 120
so here is my comments:
Lord: Beatiful one, i almost thought it was a war front, the last two lines really made the piece beautiful.
Richa: It was very nicely written, but somehow i felt, In klash the word should be the theme of a piece written within 120 words even without its mention, that i felt was missing. otherwise its excellent
GS Virmani: Full credit to u for summing up the event under 120 words with a nice wind up line, again i felt u could have used something else instead of monalisa...
Mandappa: I too smiled after reading this, tagged all meaningful smiles, without the last line i would've given my vote to you.
Rangan: Fantastic! i just loved it, one comment i thought u could have cut short the second para.
Micky: Nice built up to glorify the word smile
Butch..: Although the statement was proper,i was lost..nothing wrong from u r side probably, it just that i didnt follow :(
Priyanka: Nicely chosen sequences, its difficult to write the under 120 words but u made it
Truth Dude: Very poised, and a smile with lot of weight.
Santonu: Differnt thought, but politics is a touchy issue, everyone tries to be away from it..
Misanthrope: Beautiful one, but more than 120 words. I think u could've written it within 120, like avoiding the second stanza would've made it no less good.
My vote: Lord Summer
one request: Guys, i've no objections that u write under pet names, but please have smaller ones, or atleast let us know who u r, Truth dude is fine but Butch gazes, Silver grazes on the Rio Grande Valley really took the the energy out of me...
gr8 klash
WEeeeeeeee!!!
One more 50 at d Komments section!!!Cheers Mortals...
Wingy wud take dis moment 2 invite u ALL 2 d Bird-Wine Beer-Bash at WillyTop hill...
#Lesser Adults will have 2 b accompanied by Beer'd-n-YET-conscious Gaurdian.
#And Gifts are most proudly accepted...
CHEERS once agn....n CYA at d BASH! :-)
@ Missy Baba Thanks for appreciating !! Though I have a lots to learn from you and your friends here, specially the Horse Poet.He inspires me a lot.
Water melon !! thats a great similarity there ! Have you ever seen a child birth (not that bollywood type, where the heroine delivers either a plastic doll wrapped in cloths, or a one month old child)
And yes, it was a girl, to be politically korrect :)
@ Santonu
I agree....how can a pseudonym be so long! It just takes a 'lot' of effort and looses value, some would say. But i did introduce myself in an earlier komment.
@ NM
"Its about komments which ruin an article's impact citing grammar as an excuse."
Firstly, not all my komments were based on grammatical fallouts.(grammar as an excuse??) Secondly, i would want to know how you maintain an article's impact, while kommenting. My idea of kommenting in this forum was from a point of view of making the write up more refined all round and not because i had personal grudges against anyone. Seems to me that i stepped into some mutual admiration camp run by 2-3 stallwarts who take their expertise a bit too seriously and cannot tolerate sincere(and some times deficient) critisism.
Aplogies for stepping into 'unwanted' territory. Happy klashing....happy sunday.
Haha Mickey!
We have tons to learn from you! The horse is a donkey.. you'll find him on orkut if you are there..!!!
I've seen everything give birth, horse, cow, dog, fish, bird (chickens hatching) all of that..but never a human!!! :)
haha heroines.. must be so so so funny on the set when they do it!!!:D
Cheers and keep klashing everyone!!!
Konfessioner Singh.
Looks like Ani and I posted at the same time..
Ani, don't take it personally either.
Shinjini.
@Aniruddha, Seems that you have a huge misunderstanding, pal. Had there been any here who considered themselves experts and took their expertise seriously, we would have been used to the kind of komments you fired.
In fact, from your komments on everyone's klash (where you have straight away listed their shortcomings in the manner of an expert coach), it seems that you consider yourself a big expert and take yourself very seriously, that was my first impression about you.
What did not appeal to me about your comments is not how you pointed out the mistakes but how miserly you spared words of praise where they were deserved in a better quantity. For example, your komment on Rangan's klash, no appreciation for good work there, not a single word spared for his wonderful imagination. It was a genuinely good piece (as said by many and not me alone). Besides, half of your suggestions were lacking in sense, yet I am not saying that you are not free to suggest what comes to your mind.
And this certainly is not a mutual-admiration camp run by 2-3 stalwarts. The three of us who started this do not even participate on a regular basis (it has been ages since all three have klashed together). We three are practically full-time writers aiming at a million times bigger stage than this, so we wouldn't look at this place as our source for praise. You got that completely wrong, mate.
@ Aniruddha
I have no clue of who you are and where you come from. I didnt mention anything that hinted at you directly. I didnt mention your name or artistic/creative/literary abilities in my komments. Still you went ahead and kommented on not only mine but "our" "Expertise"
I hadnt been mean, doesnt mean that I cant be mean.
My brother and one of the three overtly expert founders of the Klash has already answered on my behalf.
Let me address your question about how can an article's impact be killed by a komment. (Quite a smart/oh-i-m-so-sarcastic-that-i-rock style of kommenting you have, I must say)
When someone writes an article and if you start analysing it by pointing out the mistakes (grammatical or not-so-grammatical) you are ruining the impact of the article FOR YOUR OWN ENJOYMENT. Its my fault I didnt spoon feed in my komment.
Talking of being a mutual admiration club, I strongly recommend you to check Mandi's comment on Sarang, my komment on Mandi and Rangan, Rangan and My komment on Butch. If it wud have been an admiration klub we wouldnt have wasted our time reading everyone's post and thinking seriously and (more sincerely than you) "ANALYZING" the work rather than ripping it apart.
Talking about being in unwanted territory, the Klash is in public domain and you can walk in and rip things off as often as you like. You're welkome.
We are full time, serious writers and frankly one unknown guy pointing out mistakes in our work would be the last thing we would be bothered about.
Happy sunday to you too.
May you klash and komment every following week. Atleast our grammar would improve.
Cheers,
NM
KAN WE PLEASE KEEP THE KLASHING FOR THE POSTS AND NOT THE KOMMENTS!!!
EXACTLY!!
Hi Original Konfessioners ka trio, the preamble of Klash of the konfessioners says The klash is a space for constructive criticism. I tried to know more about what a constructive criticism is and found this very interesting site http://www.inc.com/articles/2001/08/23257.html
I believe this will guide us about how to criticize
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