Pain
· An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder.
· Suffering or distress.
Konfessioner Singh
“I remember her when she was beautiful and then, when she was in pain…” Bano caressed the ravages wrapped in something that was once ferozi in colour. Never taking her hand off what seemed like a forehead, no tears wetting her full brown cheeks, with green bangles softly clinking together against what remained of her Arshia.
Arshia…almond eyed Arshia, pouting Arshia, dancing in green grass Arshia, sleeping Arshia...now on the mango tree laughing with the others, now looking at the moon and then her…the tiny water drops woven into her eyelashes, wiping her hands against Bano’s ferozi dupatta..
I imagined what lay before me in another time, another place…with a face.
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Truth Dude
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Dok Saab
Please…Abir
Not today
I am tired
Tied to the bedpost
Her wrists ached.
Thrash…
Blood oozed
From the corner of her lips
I am your wife
You don't have to force.
He started whipping madly
With his belt.
It hurts ..Abir
I beg of you..
Tears rolled down her red cheeks.
.
You Bitch…
I love the way
You cry and beg
Your Pain
Is
My Pleasure
Anahita Dordi
Pain is a needle.
Pain is a bullet.
Pain is a fall.
Pain is when you don’t get a call.
Pain is in being close.
Pain is in being far.
Pain is absurd.
Pain is when you are not heard.
Pain is a burn.
Pain is a bite.
Pain is a wound.
Pain is through fight.
Pain is real.
Pain is surreal.
Pain is in killing.
Pain is in forgiving.
Pain is through words.
Pain is through silence.
Pain is through wine.
Pain is divine.
Pain is when it’s all over.
Pain is in saying it all.
Pain is to part.
Pain is indeed a Broken Heart.
Mandappa KC
A man sat sobbing at the bar, his tears filling the neat 90ml Scotch in his hand. The others moved away from his wailing shadows. A man braved the situation with a smile. "Wassup mate?"
"What you smiling about? I've got problems."
"We all do mate."
"Quit smiling buster. My wife took off with my money. She's gone. All is lost. There's no hope. I'm doomed and your still fucking smiling!"
"Relax, shit happens!"
"Shit fucking happens! And it's gonna happen to you if you don't wipe that grin off your face, you cold bastard!"
"Easy"
"Easy my ass! You don't know pain."
"I married the love of my life only to learn I have testicular cancer. That's pain!"
NM
The cherry fell down after a particularly big rain-drop hit his nose as he stood in the rain after a show. His hands shivering inside the pockets of his polka dotted, torn, stitched and torn again shirt. The cheap makeup on his face was slowly dripping off his face, his eyes red.
The ring master opened the cage, his eyes moist too. With him were a couple of people, all of them sad. After all none of them were used to watching Sunny, the chimpanzee sleep so peacefully. He always jumped at them, mocked them, and played with them.
"He's dead" the ringmaster confirmed their fears, "Where's Ronnie?" he suddenly realized that Sunny's best friend wasn't around.
"He's crying in the rain" a fellow clown pointed at Ronnie who was standing at a distance, looking at the red cherry that had just fell down from his nose, "Looks like he is in a lot of pain."
"How does he know about Sunny?" The ring master said, "He just came back from a show, didn't he?" he continued, confused.
"He lost his wife this morning", another clown said, "He still doesn't know about Sunny"
30 comments:
ok here goes... first blood...
konfessioner singh - as always ure writing style blows me, but this one too goes a tad over my lil head.
truth dude - sweetish. but the ending i couldnt favour.
dok saab - u kinky fella , u... tho think the pain pleasure is a lil cliche.
anahita - a great build up but the end dint quite deliver the punch i was hopin for. maybe my fault tho.
NM - ok, think ill be nice to the brother of the judge this week and see if i get any cookie points.. no, but seriously think ures was the most capturing. ill give u my vote
Where are Sontonu And Richa Jee ??
I Think with Konfessioner Singh's entry, the Kontest is now Klosed, so straight to Komments and Vote [I have Five this time :) ]
so..
konfessioner singh-- Me thinks she should be given the permanent seat of the Jury !!
hmm Komments.. well.. pain could be so beautiful and serene, I almost felt Arshia's cold forehead.
Truth Dude-- Very nice poetry, you conveyed the message very well.
Dok Saab-- Modesty prevents me from saying any thing :)
Anahita--twenty four times pain!! one more time and it would have been lethal :) :),, just kidding. You very intelligently used the word to describe its meaning.
Mandappa KC-- I know Testicular Cancer is Painful, but whats it got to do with marriage and love. As fas as I feel, love and marriage is not at all about the physical things. But you brought out the frustration too well.
NM --You overshot the word limit by 73 words (the Judge's bro's privilege??) But the take was very good. I have personally always associated clowns with pain and sadness,behind that painted smily faces.
Votes-- (can I split my 5 votes Konfessioners)
Konfessioner Singh- 3
TruthDude- 2
(Formatting the komments is a real pain but I took all that pain for Klashes sake :) )
KS - Whats a ferozi colour like?
OK seriously, I see the pain of a lost loved one. But feeling it...well methinx you need to empathise more. It's like a description ..of whats going on...you got all the cues...but not the pain itself. And I know you can. You, most definitely can.
and whats ferozi again? :)
TD: sucketh
DKS: Nicely written but a little, teeny weeny bit excessive on the violent bit. But hey, whatever turn you on eh? ;) Kidding!
AD: Life's a pain sometimes. seriously.
MDP: Shit fucking happens - that's right...but not when you write it.
NM: OK exceeded word limit straight off...but don't let a small thing like that stop you. :) You write really well. But cuz it's only fair to play by the rules, Mandappa's got my vote this time round.
Hey Dok, you were so close man!!
Satz Who?
do we know you Satz!!
Welll o well o well!
I agree i crossed the word limit, but I just needed those 70 words to convey my story! Anyways, here's my vote!
Shin-Shin--- Poignant, polished and painful, albeit in a positive way. Very, very, very well written.
Truth Dude--- Nicely written dude... Quit captivating!
Dok Saab--- This shocked me, coz tis so not you! But on second read I could see more than I could read...
Anahita---Well, too much pain is a no-no. Nice thought and MARKED improvement! Keep it up!
Mandappa--- I disagree with Dok Saab. Guess Testicular Cancer can be quite problematic. Nice li'l dialogue there... Good work!
MY WINNER OF THE WEEK: Dok Saab, most definitely! Vivid imagery and bloody (literally) brilliant!
dok saab -
jus clarification... think is can be quite painful when u do manage to wed the love of your life, to relize u could never make love, see unborn childrn in her eyes, or etc...
tho physical may not be a big part of love, but when its ure whole life and wedded bliss, somewhere u underline it with children and family !
Pain can mean so different to different people at different situations. Sorry Mandappa, being a physician I overlooked the emotional part of it. I agree the situation for your hero is very painful.
Hi all! I'm sorry about being the last person to Komment..the Judge is absconding! I shall give him a bamboo today haha...
ok...
KS-- ( need to explain WHAT it's about!) It's about a young girl who died, was burnt perhaps? and is lying wrapped in her mother's ferozi--"Turquoise"! (TD hope this answers it?! haha) dupatta.
Dok saab--permanent seat sounds brilliant.. but since I'm SOOO inklined towards voting for you over and over again haha..I'll refrain!! :)
Truth Dude-- Whoaa.. nice definitions, small images big meanings..I particularly enjoyed "Human Shells".
Dok Saab-- Kinky! haha.. but very painful for the woman, I smelt fear throughout..and FEAR is a precursor of pain? so very very well done.. The end was tangible thanks to the build up.. This one is so unlike your usuals I still have a wicked smile on my face!!
I don't know if you can divide the vote!! But we'll ask Judge Sarang!
Ana-- So many pains.. wonderfully put and I agree with NM, you're getting better! This one has better "structure" than NM's.. but he's go t the story!! :) Keep going..!! I see you as a winner this month!!
Mandi-- Flaccid I say!!! :) I would've liked it more if it ended with.. "and I cant..I can't... get it..UPPPPP" hahaha sorry! :D
NM-- You did it again! My vote! Who'd have thought of clowns and chimpanzees.. I love the sheer different-ness of it! BAD form though :( Even if you hurried it up..But that's forgotten with the story! I'd love to read a 350 word story on the same!
Cheers All!
Shinjini.
And Richa and Santonu were both busy!! :(
We need some fresh blood... I'll go find some others!
@Shinjini
Permanent seat in the jury thing was because with you in Kompetition I Cant resist the temtation of voting for you(being such a loyal fan u c )
and who is Satz ??
Dok Saab.. Satz is Truth Dude!
haha we are each others fans... mai keh Dok Saab..dono mil ke ek book likh hi dete hain...:D
Sorry for being late guys. I was busy killing time. Time to Komment eh....
Shin Shin: I just loved the first line…“I remember her when she was beautiful and then, when she was in pain…” It’s a simple line but manages to tell a lot. A very descriptive at the same time an intense write.
And ma’am I failed to understand why my name was not in red colour? :)
Truth Dude: Dude you absolutely rocked. You showed us the different aspects and dimensions of pain, something which I did in my poem.
The first line…..” The tears that drop down your eyes can sting a heart half a world away. and the line….. “When an animal succumbs as a victim to fashion.” are my favourite lines. Why did you leave the end dangling? Or may be I dint get it.
Anyway you still managed to steal my Vote!!!! Kudos to you boss!!!!
Dok Saab: Saabji you could have done better. Nice last line though…Your pain is my pleasure. But rightly called a cliché. May be I could have put it in my poem :) You lacked something somewhere. I’m not poetic enough to say what and where.
Sorry for tormenting you with Pain 24 times. All I wanted is to bring out all forms of pain.
Mandappa: Hey hey hey Testicular cancer and all eh. Nicely thought of. The line "Shit fucking happens! And it's gonna happen to you if you don't wipe that grin off your face, you cold bastard!" left me laughing. 119 words well written.
NM: Well well well I found you OK this time. I knew it that you could do wonders with the word. That is exactly why I had requested you to klash this time. I am little disappointed with you this week. Associating clowns with pain was a very nice concept. Crying in the rain reminded me of Charlie Chaplin. I personally feel you could have done much better. Liked it.
Hey all beautiful people..
sorry for absconding this time, but loved the fact that I was missed..what a sweet feeling that is :)
ok here are my comments:
Princess: one of the few times I totally understood your piece :) very vivid imagery and the pain is all the more poignant coz its upto the reader to interpret it the way they see fit.
Now like Lata Mangeshkar you should not be contesting..hum baccho ko bhi jeetne ka mauka do:)
TD: Loved the beginning and about the animals..both very close to my own heart!! did not get he end though..very well thought of and worded
Doc Sa'ab: i dont have words..i read it and checked and rechecked if it was really you as the writer and sadly it was. it was very disturbing..the images it conjured maybe coz of my own experience at the battered women shelter!! very unlike you but very well written but you have produced much better and heartfelt works.
Anahita: so what if it was 24 times..it still was a new pain each time. liked your ending!! keep it up
Mandy: apart from the language nothing was forceful. husbands and wives run away all the time...hahaha!! i do understand the pain behind the cancer but why did u choose testicular only? coz of the physical part of it? I think the very knowledge of leaving a loved one behind soon is painful.
NM: i have to fully agree with Shin Shin...do a write a longer piece on it. Well the concept of clowns and sadness is as old as the Raj Kapur movie so did not find that novel..however the double whammy at the end was good. i loved your play with words the shivering hands and the torn and re-torn shirt.
my vote..hmmm cant decide...i think it will have to go to Shin Shin
Loads n loads n loads of criticism!
I am loving it!
KS says its not like me !!
NM was shocked, says its not me !!
Richa Jee doubted, checked and rechecked , says its not like me!!
Well well, what did you expect from an aging pediatrician.
OK heres something which I wrote but did not submit--
Pain Pain go away !
Kome again another day !!
Little Ronie wants to play!!!
Since the 10 Point Judge Sarang is not available, It becomes my duty (being a Five Pointer) to count the votes..(subject to change if our Judge returns before the next word is announced)
DokSaab 1 vote
Mandappa 1 Vote
NM 2 Votes
TD 3 votes (including the split 2 from me)
and the winner may be
KS with 4 votes (including 3 from me)
haha..yay!!! But Dok Saab...!!!! Sarang WILL be here..he's busy editing his book..I've smsed him another reminder, if he doesn't total till 8 tonight, we'll go with your decision!!! :P lol!!!
@ Ana.. arrey sorry meri Rajkumari!!! :P editing apne aap gadbad ho jaati hai kabhi kabaar!! :)
@ Richa.. hai mai mar jaavan.. mere waaste vote shote n all..chocolate kake pehjaan!!! ;)
haha Dok Saab..WE LOVED your klash!!! STUNNED us!! ;)
and eh vi vadda kkkkute haiga!!!
My sincere apologies for being so bad and so late! But I was in the pain of work at a painfully wrong time. Please forgive! :-(
Shinjini: Usually you manage to leave me at sea, but not this time. I could feel the pain.
Truth Dude: Nicely versed, as you always do. Very well written this – ‘The tears that drop down your eyes can sting a heart half a world away.’
Dok Sab: My, my, my! Had a patient left without paying your fee when you wrote this one? Haha. Jus kidding. As vivid as ever. As if a video.
Ana – I liked some of the definitions, but I feel, a broken heart being the topic of your write up, you could have skipped a lot out of here, such as the needle and the bullet. A good one, nonetheless.
Sir Mandi: I absolutely loved the dialogue. The flow of it is wonderful, very expressive. You deserve my fan vote (which you already have). But I think, the last line, hampers it somewhat. The effect you will have with it on the reader depends on the reader’s GK, whether they know how it feels. Even if your cancer patient can’t make love with his love, there still could be happiness sharing emotions. And if there cannot be, I failed to learn it from the write up. But, once again, an amazing dialogue.
NM – You would have had my vote, but I cannot give it due to the word limit. You have taken a luxury of 73 words, without which I don’t know what effect the story will bring. And that’s the challenge, to make it within 120 and to touch the reader’s heart. However, I think you could have done it in 120 words as well.
My vote goes to Shin-shin! :-)
And once again, I am terribly sorry for being so bloody late. Do let me in next time, especially Dok Saab! :D
@Sarang:
Well you got me right the broken heart was the first thing tht came to my mind when I thought of pain. Second was a needle coz i am very scared of it :) N tht time I was undergoing my medicals in Bangalore. I think i had given my blood sample a day before and got shivers thinking abt the pain. Hence the needle had to come. Quite a few of u dint like the ending i shall work on it.
Thank You guys.
@Shin shin:
Oye koi gal nahi oye.. Shayad ab tune bold kar diya. Its not an issue at all. Just thought to bring it to your notice so told ya abt the colour thing. After all KnK has to be perfect..right?
well, i'll agree with sarang. probably the depth of the last line, does not truely come out. tho i do think with 120 words, u can only hope to leave an effect or the depth of the line to the imagination....
but honestly...great going everybody !!
I have never seen so many komments in my LIFE!!! (on Knk!!) haha.. Good..at least you guys return...:)!!
Sorry guys, murphy's law enacted and i cudn't write on what i dearly wanted to :(, neway "Dard mein bhi kuchh baat hai...."
Shinjini: Very smooth, i feel u should collect u r write ups and make a book out of it:)
Truth dude: I felt each of the pains u describe themselves is a feeling short for 120 words, felt u wrote more...
Doc Saab: best thing about u r writing is the switching over among different styles, touch of pain is really mild here
anahita:It surely much improved one compared to last occassions, pain unfolded
Mandappa: nice conversation, felt testicular cancer cud've been relaced by somthing else
NM: Liked the idea a lot, i have weakness towards these kind of writing, really gr8 to read, my vote goes with u,
fresh blood is always invited Shinjini, will they be blue? :) dard mein sach mein kuchh baat hai, it drew 26 comments, wow
so whoz the winner??!! kaun kar raha hai counting??!! bloody late:(
next word ky hai...lagi aaj sawalon ki jo jhadi hai :) theeeheee couldn't help being so corny
ok some clarifications are in order.
First..when I commented, I logged in from another ID...hence the confusion.
Second...in my last line..please insert the subject of the verse as the last word and everything falls into place (i hope).
Third...I've noticed some vivid imagery ... and beautiful use of language in all of your poems / stories. This in turn, has made me (all of us?) a little richer.
Kudos to the group - those who started it and all those who keep taking it forward. Really awesome this. Thanks so much for letting me in here !! :)
I speak for all three of us when I say WOW and THANK you!!!
even though very few of us participated..we had a HEARTY time kommenting!
@Richa-- winner is yours truly, Shinjini.
@Santonu-- Thank you so much!!
@ TD-- I'll fix it!! :) and we're grateful you are!!
cheers everyone!
Shinjini.
hehe..no. I didn't mean that you actually insert it in the poem...i left it like that because...well I figured most of you would insert the word 'pain' in the last line as well. :)
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